Once More Into the Abyss

Everyone knows I saw a lot of movies in 2004. Final total ended up being 122. Good thing quite a few of them were screenings that I didn't have to pay for. I'm not setting a goal for 2005. That's part of my whole resolution to stop being so obsessive :)

Most "best of" lists are usually Top 10 affairs (the freaks at CHUD do Top 15) so I'll be different as well and stick with my lucky 13 thing. Here are my Top 13 movies of 2004. A lot of these probably won't be winning any awards or anything. They are just films I liked for various reasons.

13) The Aviator - Scorsese's best film since "Goodfellas." This one will win some awards. A visually stunning film with outstanding performances by DiCaprio and Blanchett.

12) Ocean's Twelve - very different from it's predecessor and proof that sometimes different is good. In many respects I liked this one better than "Ocean's Eleven." Just an all around fun movie with a great cast.

11) The Bourne Supremacy - Another sequel that I liked better than the original. Edgy, smart action movie. Matt Damon is great.

10) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Charlie Kaufman is a great writer. This movie is no exception. Anyone who can get Jim Carrey to demonstrate that his acting actually has some range, has to be a good writer. A fucked up movie with good performances all around. Even Kirstin Dunst was less annoying than usual.

9) The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra - I'm thinking this one probably won't be showing up on too many other lists, which is kind of a shame. An homage to old, bad sci-fi movies, this is one of the funniest fucking movies ever. The filmmakers had no budget and they still went out and just got this thing made. It's stupid and hysterical and brilliant.

8) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - Best film in the series so far. It is also my favorite of the books so they could have really screwed it up for me. Gary Oldman does a good job of portraying Sirius Black but I still would have cast someone else. It's a Harry Potter film. You either like them or you don't. I love them.

7) Hero - God bless Quentin Tarantino. This is a brilliant film and it would have been a shame if QT had not convinced Miramax to give it a theatrical release here in the US. It's a beautiful and amazing piece of filmmaking.

6) Finding Neverland - Johnny Depp is one of the best actors working today. In a career filled with memorable and amazing performances this is one of his best, so that has to say something about the caliber of this film. Nominations due all around for Picture, Actor, Writing.

5) Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow - The fact that a Gwyneth Paltrow movie made my Top 5 for the year is borderline amazing. Of course, Jude Law and Angelina Jolie are in it too so that must offset the Gwyneth factor. This is just a fun movie. It requires an enormous suspension of disbelief. It's like watching a comic book. I loved virtually every frame.

4) Sideways - As far as the awards shows go, this is the film to beat this year. It's an amazing work. It is well written, well acted, and beautifully shot. I see lots of little statues in it's future. It's an important movie with performances that will be talked about for years to come. I love Johnny Depp in "Finding Neverland," but I don't think he can beat Paul Giamatti.

3) The Incredibles - I love all the Pixar movies. There isn't a one that I can't watch over and over again. That being said, this is my favorite Pixar film. I'm a comic book geek. I love superhero movies. The graphics are the best we've seen yet. The story is funny and the whole cast just pours themselves into their characters. I honestly can't say enough about how great this movie is.

2) Shaun of the Dead - This film brought us a whole new film genre. The "rom-zom-com." A romantic comedy about zombies. Who would've thunk? One of the best thinga about it is that it was totally a labor of love. The filmmakers are all friends who just wanted to make a movie. So they did. They scraped the money together and just went out and made the movie they wanted to make and they did it right. There is nothing low budget about this film. I can't begin to do this movie justice. The best I can say is go buy it or rent it or whatever. Just see it. It's funny and quirky and I loved it. It's a bloody brilliant film and it almost made my #1 spot for the year.

1) Garden State - There was never really any question what my favorite film of the year was. Zach Braff's directorial debut is not just my favorite film for this year but one of my favorites ever. This film has ended up on practically every "best of" list I've seen for the year. It's very non-traditional and slightly absurdist. The cast is great. The script is damn near perfect and it's a shame Zach didn't get a GG nom for it. I don't think the Academy will nominate him either, which just goes to show that most of them are probably idiots. This is a classic film.

Honorable Mentions: Alfie, Beyond the Sea, Collateral, Hidalgo, Kill Bill - Vol 2, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Napolean Dynamite, Phantom of the Opera, Primer, Spider-Man 2. There were a lot of good movies this year. It was one of the strongest years for film in a long while. 2005 has a lot to live up to.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all doing direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only." -- Charles Dickens - "A Tale of Two Cities"

Kevin

We all know I have a thing for Kevin Spacey. He's far and away my favorite actor, but I also happen to think he's yummy. I know this is not the conventional view of Kevin. I'm not saying he's hot like Brad Pitt, or Jude Law, or Orlando Bloom. It's something more than that. It's talent and charisma and classic good looks. I've honestly given up trying to explain it. You either get it or you don't. "Beyond the Sea" is Kevin's biopic about Bobby Darin, and it finally opened here yesterday so you better believe I went and saw it. The movie could have sucked and I still would have been perfectly content just sitting and looking at Kevin for 2 hours. Fortunately the movie didn't suck though. It wasn't great, but it could have been much much worse. In addition to "Beyond the Sea," there have been a lot of biopics out this year (Ray, Finding Neverland, The Aviator, De-Lovely, and I think a couple of others). Some worked. Some didn't. This one sorta worked. The film is beautifully shot. Kevin directed the picture and he has a great eye. He uses a lot of soft focus techniques and really knows how to use color to draw your eyes where he wants them to go. Like "De-Lovely," this film was kind of disjointed. It jumped from wanting to be an actual dramatic telling of Darin's life to wanting to be a musical with big production dance numbers and all. They justified them by calling them "fantasy sequences," but still the contrast was kind of jarring. The film also drags a bit towards the end. Overall the cast is solid. The one disappointment was Kate Bosworth, whom I normally adore. She was born to play Sandra Dee and she just didn't deliver. She had a couple of good scenes, but generally speaking her performance was flat. This is a flawed film, but when Kevin comes on screen and starts to sing (and boy can he dance too), you forget all it's flaws. He is Bobby Darin. He sounds like him. He moves like him. He is absolutely fucking mesmerizing. Kevin's performance makes the film worth seeing and I'm not just saying that from my weird fan-girl perspective. Everyone in the theatre stopped moving whenever he started to sing. They were as enthralled as I was. I can't really give this film the glowing recommendation that I want to give it, but if you are a Kevin fan or if you go in knowing that this film doesn't compare in any way to a musical biopic like "Ray" then I think it's definitely worth your time to check out...
Wow, I think that was my longest review of the year... and it's about a Kevin Spacey film, go figure... Just think what would happen if Kevin and Angelina did a movie together. My review might go on for days :)

"Memories are like moonbeams. We do with them what we want." -- Kevin Spacey - "Beyond the Sea"

Promises to Break

Seems like as good a time as any to post the list of New Year's resolution's that I'm planning on breaking in 2005... Well, I do have every intention of keeping these, but you know how that goes...

1) Get back into my Size 6 jeans - this was actually my goal to hit before the end of 2004, but then the holidays rolled around so it kinda got put on hold for a few weeks...

2) Have the body to wear a bikini again this summer - ok, so this one sorta goes with #1. I could probably combine these 2 under just a general "get into better shape" kinda resoultion, but what the hell. Having the abs to look good in a bikini falls into a whole different realm than just losing weight. Is it wrong to want to have an ass you can bounce quarters off of? I could have worse ambitions...

3) Stop annoying my friends - I get a little neurotic sometimes and unfortunately for the people close to me that means they get caught in the crossfire from time to time. I'll try to keep the casualties to a minimum next year...

4) Save more $$$ - I am 33 now. I should be thinking about the future. I'm not good at that. I'm more of an instant gratification chic. If I want something I just buy it. I need to be less impulsive about some of the stuff I buy. This one will be tough to keep...

5) Avoid my ex - this will be the first time in 10 years that I won't have to deal with him. That alone could make 2005 the best year ever.

6) Have more sex - 2004 broke me out of a looooong dry spell. I don't look to repeat that again. Ever.

7) Keep posting to my blog - well duh!

8) Finish the book and the screenplay I'm working on - I got back on track with my writing. I just need to keep it up.

9) Stop being so obsessive - I tend to fixate on certain things. Often unhealthy things. This is why I don't do drugs (anymore). I know I have an addictive personality. I need to learn when to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities sometimes...

10) Be happier about my job - wether I stay at ELNK or end up somewhere else (please God let me find something else!) I need to be happier at work. A large portion of my life is invested in work. It should be something I enjoy doing...

11) Play more video games - this one will probably lead to me breaking rule #9, but what the fuck. I've discovered I like gaming (or at the very least playing EverQuest). I might as well embrace my geekiness to it's fullest potential, especially since I just invested some considerable $$$ in a new gaming system. (See, I told you #4 was going to be hard for me to keep.)

12) Be more open and honest with my friends - I tend to keep things bottled up inside of me. With very rare exceptions I don't tell even my best friends what I'm feeling. This will be a hard one for me. I just don't like to burden other people with my problems. I know they have enough of their own. I know it's hard for people who read this blog to believe that I'm not good with sharing information with others, but that's different. It's so much easier to put things in writing than to confront people directly.

13) Get a new tattoo - I've gone without a new tat almost as long as I went without sex. That needs to get remedied.

13 is a good number for me so we'll stop there. I'm sure there is a lot more I could resolve to do, but let's stick with a semi-workable list. Don't want to get too ambitious :)

"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account." -- Oscar Wilde

Someone Crazier Than Me

Having seen Martin Scorsese's new film, "The Aviator" I feel much better about my own grip on reality. In comparision to Howard Hughes, I'm the sanest fucking person on the planet. I'm not a big Leonardo DiCaprio fan. Aside from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" and "Catch Me If You Can," I've just never been that impressed with him. He's also got too much of that "boyish good looks" thing going on for me. Don't get me wrong, I like pretty men (Hello? Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp), but I prefer them with a little more "edge" and depth to them. Leo has always come across to me as just sorta shallow and uninteresting. All that being said, he is outstanding as billionaire eccentric Howard Hughes. He totally owns this role. He deserves an Oscar nomination for this part and I'm sure he'll get one. The film is outstanding as well. Is it Best Picture worthy? Possibly. It definitely deserves to be nominated, but honestly I think "Sideways" is still the film to beat this year. Scorsese does deserve a Best Director Oscar for this film though. It is far and away Marty's best work since "Goodfellas" and actually might be better. It's big and glossy and totally mesmerizing. It is beautifully shot and beautifully cut. He gets brilliant performances out of his entire cast. (In particular, Cate Blanchett as Katherine Hepburn.) This film is everything "Gangs of New York" wanted to be and was not.

On a somewhat related note (in my world anyway), the true Best Picture of the year is out on DVD today. So run out now and pick up your copy of "Garden State!" What are you waiting for? Go! Now!

"We may not always be as happy as you always dreamed we'd be, but for once, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are. " -- Zach Braff - "Garden State"

Aftermath

So it's the day after Christmas and as the dust settles it's time to just sit back and relax and revel in the fact that I have 2 days before I have to go back to work. It will be a short week. I'm off on Monday and on Friday. I suppose I can suffer through 3 days in Azkaban, especially since a lot of the Dementors will still be out of town this week... Christmas was good. Fairly low-key. I adore my new sister-in-law and had a good time hanging out with her the past couple of days. My niece is 6, so come the holidays, it's pretty much all about her, which is honestly fine by me. It keeps me from having to answer questions about when I'm getting married, having kids, yada yada yada... I did order my new computer from AlienWare. (No big surprise there. We all knew I was going to cave and do it. Merry Christmas to me!) I added some serious upgrades to the basic model that they have and this puppy is going to fucking scream. I should be set for any game I want to play for a good long while... I also snapped myself out of the stupid funk I slipped into on Thursday afternoon. Actually, a friend of mine inadvertently snapped me out of it. I called him to whine and although I think he was kinda annoyed with me he still said some helpful things. I don't think he did it intenetionally, but what he said made sense and just sorta put my mind at ease about some stuff. I guess when I get like that I just need someone to slap me and tell me to chill the fuck out... So, that's it. Nothing too exciting, just felt that I needed to post something today. I'll do my 2004 Top Movies list later in the week. I still have a couple of big releases I need to catch before I can post my definitive list for the year. Maybe I'll put up some New Year's resolutions or something too. I guess we'll see how the week goes. I don't have any good Christmas quotes that I can find at the moment, so I'll post one of my favs about friendship:

"Think where man's glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends." -- W.B. Yeats

Voices in My Head

Haven't blogged in a couple of days. Partially because I haven't had anything to say and partially because I've had better things to do, but figured I'd better write something today. I don't want to get too out of the habit of posting...
It's been a fucked up week. Mostly it's been good. I've gotten to spend some time with a friend of mine that I don't see nearly as often as I would like. I finally extricated myself from a particularly destructive relationship. I am going to get to spend some time with the family the next fews days. Overall, not bad. Things could definitely be worse so I really shouldn't complain, but I still have this overwhelming sense of melancholy. Maybe I'm bi-polar. Maybe I need to be on lithium or something... a new job would probably do it too. I soooo need to be doing something else. Life is too fucking short to be trapped in a job that makes you unhappy. I know this, I keep saying this, and still I can't seem to get out. It's not that I'm not keeping my eyes and ears open for other possibilities. I'm always looking, so maybe in the new year my dream job will finally fall into my lap. Here's hoping I get that call anyway...
Let's see, what else to babble on about...? I need a new computer. I have an AlienWare laptop that I love, but it doesn't do what I need it to do now. Turns out that laptops are not good choices if you want to seriously get into gaming. (Which I for one, never thought I would do.) The graphics cards in even the high end performance models are not designed for the extreme graphics that most of the newer games out there have. It's looking like I need to get a desktop model. I'm trying to decide if I can justify it. One of the little voices in my head (the semi-rational one) keeps telling me I'm nuts to go out and buy a new computer (especially since I have a perfectly good one already) just so I can play some freakin' video games. Then another voice (a much louder and much more fun-loving one) keeps saying, "Fuck it. Life is short. Do whatever the hell you want." I hear from that voice a lot. It's gotten me into more trouble than I care to recall. Are we taking bets on what I decide? I've already got what I want configured on the AlienWare order site. It's a screaming little machine. All I have to do is click that "submit" button. Ah, decisions, decisions....

"Studies have shown that people who complain live longer. Yeah, there's always the possibility that this is because the people who have to listen to them die sooner, but who's to say?... Want health and longevity? Be a pain in the ass." -- Susan Jane Gilman

Hell Hath No Fury

I talked to a friend that my ex and I have in common. Sounds like me calling his girlfriend started a chain reaction of events that even I could not have predicted. His girlfriend had sort of a meltdown and really let him have it. They are not speaking right now and it's looking like she's going to throw him out of the house. He then put his fist through a wall and broke a couple of fingers. (Can we say anger management issues?) This resulted in him getting suspended from his job indefinitely. Trust me, I am not someone you want as an enemy. The havoc I have managed to wreak from 3,500 miles away is a beautiful thing. I think he's mainly pissed off because he started all this bullshit and I have still managed to beat him at his own game. When you start playing head games with me you better be prepared to bring your "A" game, 'cause I'm not going down without a fight. I've warned him numerous times in the past not to fuck with me. Looks like he finally found out the hard way that I wasn't kidding about that... It has got to be wrong for me to be so gleeful about all this, but I can't help it. He soooo deserves everything that has happened to him. Ain't karma a bitch?

"All the old knives that have rusted in my back, I drive in yours."
Phaedrus (Thrace of Macedonia) - "Fables" --Appendix (VI, 11)

To top it all off, my horoscope is really good again today:
"You can finally put whatever has been bothering you lately on the back burner. You may be a fire sign, but you spend the next few days walking on air -- or maybe on water. Wherever you go, others throw themselves shamelessly at your feet. The impossible seems routine to you right now. You're thrilled at the prospects in front of you and happy to be alive. Go out and do something you never dreamed you'd get the chance to do. A certain someone could call with an interesting offer -- the one you've been waiting for."

Absolute Power

This is what my horoscope says for today. "Your life is all about heat, fire, friction, combustion and smoldering passion. You have absolute power and complete control." For a control freak like me this could be dangerous. It's going to be a good day ;)

"Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." -- Lord Acton

Now, if only I could find someone who wants to let me corrupt them...

A Bored Neurotic's Series of Random Updates

Welcome back Dear Reader. Nothing too exciting to report, but I felt compelled to blog something. Today has been fairly uneventful. I'm bored and kinda horny. It must be the weather...

For lack of anything better to write about, here are some updates to some recent blogs I had posted:

Update #1 is in regards to the incident with my ex the other night. He was not at all pleased that I called his current girlfriend and filled her in on all the bullshit that's been going on. I admit it was petty and vindictive of me to call her, but he deserved it, and it was kinda fun (for me anyway). Still, I had an ulterior motive for doing it. I was seriously hoping she would kill him. No such luck, but it sounds like it was a near thing :) He has left me several ugly voice-mails and sent me some even uglier e-mails and it's just been ugliness all around. I am actually taking a sort of perverse pleasure in his anger. Call me an evil bitch, but he brought this on himself and I'm going to revel in his misery for as long as I possibly can. Eternal damnation in the deepest circle of Hell would be too good for him at this point... Mainly I'm just pissed off that he forced me to sink to his level in all this. I am not normally a vindictive person. It takes a hell of a lot to piss me off. I have remained on good terms with most of my ex-boyfriends over the years. I don't believe that everything needs to end badly. Chances are that if I liked a guy enough to date him, then we had other things in common aside from just physical attraction.. and we still had those things in common even after the relationship ended. I thought that was the case here, but it seems that I was woefully wrong. I desperately tried to salvage a friendship out of it, but it obviously was not meant to be. It makes me sad that things have turned as vicious as they have, but I guess that was what needed to happen. Ilicet et super, denique.

Update #2 - My friend Wes finally called me. He got home to Phoenix safely and had a long chat with his girlfriend. She was not seeing anyone else. Things are so much more complicated than that. Turns out she is having his kid. She's due the end of April. He seemed happy about it, but he's a hard guy to read sometimes. He and I had had a conversation recently about this very thing. He told me that he wants kids but not right now. He travels a lot and is gone for months at a time. This will mean a major change for him. I hope everything works out for them. Still, I know he'll be a great dad and he'll do everything for this kid. He and Claire (his girlfriend) have not decided if they are going to get married yet, but they have decided that if the baby is a boy they are going to name him Colin. I think that's great. Colin would be very pleased and would have been a fabulous uncle.

This needs to be a good week. I feel like I've been on a fucking roller coaster lately. My past has been haunting me and my future is shrouded in darkness. I need someone to polish my crystal ball or re-shuffle my tarot cards or something. Maybe I just need to get laid. I don't know anymore...

"How exactly had things turned out so? This woman whose eyes she used was the last woman the child she had been would have expected to become." -- Stephen King - "Wizard and Glass"

A Semi-Unfortunate Event

So, "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events." I'm not quite sure what to say about this movie. The sets were amazing. The story and script were good. The cast was great. (Although, Jim Carrey's performance was a bit too "over-the-top." Then again, I suspected going in that it probably would be. It is Jim Carrey after all. Subtle is not something he does.) Still, there was something missing. I don't know what it was. I'm having trouble pinpointing it. It was sort of like watching a Tim Burton movie that wasn't a Tim Burton movie. This film wanted to be a Tim Burton movie and probably would have been better if it had been. It just wasn't sinister enough. It had it's disturbing moments but they weren't quite disturbing enough. I guess that's what my issue is. The movie almost gets where it wants to go, but then rather than taking the plunge off the cliff into the abyss it just teeters there on the brink, teasing you with what could have been. Sometimes you need to take the plunge. It's sex without an orgasm. It still feels good, but in the end, if you don't get that toe-curling finale, you just end up disappointed; unfulfilled. That was what this movie needed. A climax. An edge. A fullfillment of it's potential. And it didn't have it. It's still not a bad movie. It's worth watching. Meryl Streep in particular was outstanding and it was visually a stunning film. It just wasn't quite fucked up enough for my tastes. Maybe put it in your NetFlix queue or something...

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled." -- Bill Watterson

Crayon Sea Ponies

I apologize for my previous post, but it had to be done. I hearby announce my candidacy for stupidist fucking girl in the world for not having exorcised that particular demon sooner... much, much sooner. That said, we now return you to our regularly scheduled blogging...

So, on a much happier note, let's talk about how much Wes Anderson rocks. I saw "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" last night at a chud screening. What an outstanding film. It is a Wes Anderson film though so it will definitely not be for everyone. The soundtrack is bizarre at best. It's just a weird fucking movie all around, but it's funny and beautiful and superbly acted. Bill Murray is a genius. He just keeps getting better and has really been picking good material lately. The whole cast is great. Aside from Murray it's hard to single out any one performance. Although this is a very different role than we usually see Willem Dafoe playing... There's no point in trying to explain what this movie is about. If you like Wes Anderson's movies, then you'll love "Life Aquatic." If you don't "get" Wes' films, then you won't like this one. It's as simple as that. Personally I loved it and will definitely have to see it again...

"I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it." -- Bill Murray - "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou"

Venom

Let me start this blog out with a little caveat. Prepare for ugliness ahead. I have some not so nice things to say. This is what will hopefully be the final nail in a coffin, and it has been a long time coming... So, consider yourself warned...

I have an ex who is a seriously disturbed mother-fucker. He has been that way as long as I've known him. I even know why he is the way he is and as a result I have let him get away with bullshit that I would have killed other people for. No more. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I've tried just being friends with him and I thought we had finally gotten to a good place, but apparently not. I have told him in no uncertain terms that there is not a chance in hell that I will ever fuck him again. I thought I had proven that to him when I went out drinking with him and a bunch of his friends a few months back and we all got so drunk we could barely stand up. Normally I get very friendly when I drink, but even though I ended up spending the night with him nothing happened. Even in my seriously intoxicated state I was still able to tell him, "no." His spell over me was broken. I had never been able to be around him and not give in to pretty much anything he wanted me to do. I had my free will back. Apparently he took that as some sort of fucked up challenge. Lately he has really been harassing me to come visit him after the New Year. I've told him repeatedly it's not going to happen. Well, I must have finally said something that really pissed him off because I got home from work today and had a package from him. I didn't look at the box too closely so honestly I thought it was my Amazon.com order and didn't even give it a second look until I got home from my "Life Aquatic" screening. So I opened the box and inside was an incredibly kinky sex toy with a note that said, "I know how picky you are about the guys you sleep with so I know that if you're not fucking me, then you're not fucking anybody. I thought I'd send you something that would make your holidays more 'pleasureable.' And less pathetic and lonely." Son-of-a-bitch. From anyone else, I would have said it was a joke, but from him it was not meant to be funny. It was meant to be viscious and mean and spiteful. After everything he and I have been through it is almost funny that it took something as petty and stupid as this to finally seal his fate though. Bastard. So, I stand corrected in regards to my Nov 6th blog. Apparently someone can find a way to get themselves taken off my "people I'd take a bullet for" list. It just takes 10+ years of extreme fucking measures to do it... It does go to show that he's not too bright though. If he'd been thinking at all he would have realized that a sex toy was the worst possible gift he ever could have sent me if he wanted to have the remotest chance of ever fucking me again. Now I really don't need him for anything ;)

"I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck." -- Sarah Jessica Parker - "Sex and the City"

Next Stop, Outer Mongolia

I got to check out the remake of the Jimmy Stewart/Richard Attenborough film, "Flight of the Phoenix" last night. (Thanks once again to Leslie at 99X.) I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I figured it would be an ok way to spend a couple of hours, but it turned out to be a lot more than that. It turned out to be a hell of an action film. The plane crash scene is one of the best I've seen. It really sucks you into it and it's fairly disconcerting, but definitely effective. Dennis Quaid is looking mighty fine. I know 25 year olds that would kill for those fucking abs of his. His acting isn't bad either :) Then there is Giovanni Ribisi. I love him more and more every time I see him. He's cute, but not your typical Hollywood star good-looking. He can do drama, he can do comedy, and based on his performance in "Phoenix" he can do smarmy and creepy as well. I'm a little disturbed by the fact that I was totally attracted to his character in this movie... I'm sure that's a therapy session waiting to happen. There are a lot of potentially huge films coming out in the next few weeks and I know it will be a challenge to get them all seen, but if you get a chance, go check out "Flight of the Phoenix" when it opens next week.

"If you don't have a good sense of direction, at least try to get lost in interesting places. " -- Ron Lunde

A Menace to Elves Everywhere

I'm in a particularly ugly mood today. People just seem to be going out of their way to piss me off this morning. I'm sick of bitching about work. It seems to be what I spend a large portion of my time doing lately. So, I choose not to deal with it anymore. Fuck 'em. Let's talk about something else... like my inability to wrap things...

I should never be allowed near wrapping paper. If Martha Stewart was dead she would roll over in her grave if she saw the atrocities I commit when wrapping presents. It is truly a sight to behold. I'm not sure what the problem is. It doesn't really involve math. It's a semi-creative kinda task. It's just paper. How hard can it be to manipulate paper? I should be able to wrap a fucking gift and not have it end up looking like a 4 year old did it - I take that back, I've seen 4 year olds who can wrap better than I can. I need to take a gift wrapping class or something. I should just buy gift bags. It would make my life easier, but I am nothing if not stubborn. I refuse to let the paper gods defeat me! I continue to practice wrapping, year after freakin' year. It's become like some sort of insane quest. My improvement has been minimal at best. (Fortunately, I don't have this problem with certain other "skills" I've been working on. I continue to show promise with those tasks ;) I guess it would also help if I would stop buying things that come in oddly shaped boxes. I can wrap books pretty well. It's those damn Fisher Price toys that come in these fucked up hexagonal-octagonal-multi-dimensional packages that really cause me to want to rip my hair out... While we're at it, let's talk about mylar paper. Have you seen this stuff? It's shiny and pretty, but it's most definitely not paper. It's some sort of liquid metal or something. It might even be alive, with a mind and a will all it's own. It doesn't rip. It doesn't stay folded. You need 4 hands and 2 rolls of tape to wrap anything with it and yet my mother continues to buy it. I think she just enjoys watching me trying to wrap things with it. Needless to say a future career at the North Pole as an elf is probably not in the cards for me. It would take them all of about 10 minutes to cast me into exile... Maybe I just need to accept the fact that gift wrapping is like eating with chop sticks. It is something I will never, ever be good at...

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included." - Bernard Manning

Movie Review Drive By

Ok, movie reviews for your perusal. They're all short and sweet so don't blink, you might miss them :)

"Closer" – Overall a good movie, but very, very heavy. NOT a happy film. Natalie Portman and Jude Law rocked. Not for everyone but definitely worth seeing for serious film buffs…

"Kinsey" – Outstanding film. Not for people who have a problem with graphic portrayals of nudity and sex. Liam Neeson deserves nominations for his role. Peter Saarsgard gives a great performance and as an added bonus we get to see him naked ;) A must see before awards season starts up…

"Spanglish" – Better than I expected, but not what I expected. This film was totally marketed as a comedy and it’s not. Cloris Leachman rocked. Her part is small but she owned her scenes. Adam Sandler was ok but inconsistent. His performance was the weakest in the film. The rest of the cast was pretty good…

"Being Julia" – Based on a Somerset Maugham story. Well written. Good cast. Interesting twists and turns to the plot. A little slow in the middle. It’s a period piece so not for everyone. “Being Julia,” “Stage Beauty,” and “Finding Neverland” would be a good trifecta for theatre buffs. Smart movie. I liked it a lot…

White Mocha, Hold the Chocolate

I have like 4 movies I need to post reviews for, but I'm just not motivated to write them. Maybe later I'll be in the mood...

The guys down at Starbucks know me really well. Caffeine is my drug of choice so I'm in there practically every day. The 2 guys that were working this morning have been there for quite awhile and I always joke around with them. This morning it took a sort of bizarre turn though. One of them (the sorta scary, creepy one that I honestly always thought was gay) starts asking me how my weekend was and it wasn't just the normal chit-chat. It was... odd. He was totally hitting on me. Of all the guys that work there of course it was the scary one who decided to show some interest. (Ok, so the cute new boy hit on me all last week, but that was different. He was just flirting. We had a whole discussion about whip cream not just being for the bedroom anymore, but I digress.) This was different. Everyone around picked up on it. The other barista looked at him like he'd lost his mind and Lindy was totally amused by the exchange. I was polite but indifferent. I'm good at indifferent. I don't want to be mean, but I also don't want to encourage something that is never, ever going to happen. To make matters worse, I distracted him to the point that he was no longer able to perform his job properly. I seem to go in cycles as to what I order at Starbucks. I'll do Mochas for a month or two, then Vanilla Cremes for a couple of weeks, then maybe back to Mochas. For the last week or so I've been on a White Mocha trip. That was what I ordered this morning. What I got was a latte. He was so busy hitting on me that he totally forgot to put the chocolate in my coffee. Depriving me of chocolate on a Monday morning is never a good idea... It looks like it's going to be another weird fucking week. Oh joy!

On a side note, what is with all the guys hitting on me the last few weeks? Am I sending out some sort of bizarre signal that I'm not aware of? If so, can someone please let me know what it is so I can turn it off? Don't get me wrong, having someone to curl up in bed with on cold winter nights is great, but I'm soooo not looking for anyone right now... aside from Matt Damon of course. (See my blog from Thurs night). Matt sorta has a standing invite for whenever he wants to come over... Well, maybe there are a couple of others that are welcome anytime too... actually, I have a list.... Ok, so maybe I'm just not looking for any strange Starbucks guys who can't seem to put chocolate in my coffee :)

"It's not that chocolate is a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man." -- Miranda Ingram

Lights, Camera, Action!

It's amazing how quickly the presence of a few movie cameras can shut a place down. ELNK is shooting their new TV commercials this week and have been filming here in the building. I have not seen much of the crew until today, but today they have taken over my floor. I'm literally working in the middle of a film set... which is kinda cool and everyone is really nice, but I don't foresee much work getting done around here today. The director is a Brit and he's got this great voice and he's cute so he can just hang out by my desk all day if he wants, as long as he just keeps talking in that voice ;) I also have a little blonde crew guy that has been hitting on me all morning. It's going to be a weird fucking day...I vote that we all just take the day off and go to a movie... or go home and take a nap... or something, anything. I'm not picky. I just don't want to be here and this commercial-making craziness seems like as good an excuse as any to play hookey... Well, at least I have not had a shortage of interesting antecdotes to blog this week... oooo, new word - "blogedote" that's almost as good as "swayving." :)

"Avoid women directors. They ovulate. Do you have any idea what that does to a three month shoot? " -- Kevin Spacey - "Swimming with Sharks"

Instant Gratification

I've been a little stir crazy lately, especially the last week or so. I don't know why exactly. I just can't seem to sit still. I don't want to be in the same place very long. I get bored and distracted if I try to concetrate on anything for an extended period of time. It's almost like being jazzed on caffeine all the fucking time. It's actually a little annoying.... Today is a perfect example. Work was crazy and I felt like I was treading water all day. I worked my ass off but never seemed to get anything done... Then I had Latin class. We reviewed for our Final which is next Tuesday. It was an important class, but once I got there I was sorry I went. I know this shit. Reviewing stuff I already know just was not something I could focus on today. I spent most of the class with my brain wandering off to things I'd rather be doing... I got home and started looking through my DVDs for something to watch. I own like 300 DVDs or something ridiculous like that and not a one of them appealed to me tonight. I got it in my head that I wanted to watch "The Bourne Supremacy." All fine and dandy except that I had not bought "The Bourne Supremacy" on DVD yet. I fought the urge to go back out and buy it for all of about 15 minutes. Then I decided "Fuck it!" and went back out into a driving rain storm to track down a copy. Fortunately there is a Borders not too far from my apartment and they were kind enough to give me my DVD fix. So, I have my movie and am sitting here watching it and I'm happy. I'm all about instant gratification these days. I want what I want when I want it. That's not neccesarily a good thing. As we all know, patience is not my thing, but it's usually not this bad. This could be a real problem... To top it all off, we've got a hell of a thunderstorm blowing through right now. It's the perfect weather to have sex in and I'm sitting here in my apartment alone watching a sexy Matt Damon. Someone explain to me how I'm going to satisfy that itch? Anyone out there got Matt's number? Think you could get him to my place in the next couple of hours? If so, send him on over. I promise to make it worth his trip ;)

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes "AWWW!"" - Jack Kerouac - "On the Road"

Reality Bites

Whoa, baby! Have you ever had one of those nights where the dreams that you dream are just too real not to be true? Those dreams where you are on some far away island, lying in a four poster bed listening to the waves crash outside your window, and you can actually smell the ocean? Taste the salt in the air? Then you awake to car alarms in the street and just know that can't be right. You aren't supposed to be at home in your own bed. That island just felt so much more real than reality... How 'bout those dreams where you're with someone and it's so fucking intense that you wake up and are literally surprised when that person is not truly lying in bed next to you? It's disconcerting...

I had one of those nights last night. I would fall asleep and then have these dreams about... no can't really say that here... so, at one point there was this pooltable involved and... no can't really go into detail about that either... well, let's just say these dreams are not quite fit for publication (even on my blog, so that's saying something). Suffice to say that "intense" doesn't even begin to describe them. It made for a rough night. I did not get nearly enough sleep and the sleep I did get was not restful. The dreams were worth it, but damn am I going to pay the price for them today. I can just feel it...

"In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind." -- Nora Ephron

A Whole Different Kinda Ocean

Thanks to Leslie at 99x I got to see "Ocean's Twelve" tonight. Let me give you a little disclaimer here - do NOT go into this movie expecting another "Ocean's Eleven." You can not really compare the two films. Sure, it's a heist film. Sure, it has the same characters. That's where the comparisions need to end. This is a totally different movie. That's not to say it's a bad film. Quite the contrary. "Ocean's Twelve" fuckin' rocks! I loved "Ocean's Eleven"and I loved this one as well. In fact, there were a lot of things I liked about this movie better. For one, the story is better. The plot is more intricate. It's slightly predicatable in spots, but it's still smart and funny and keeps you guessing a lot of the time. The cast is outstanding. The reparte between the characters is as witty as ever. This movie has a very different look and feel. It looks and is cut more like "Traffic" than it's predecessor. That's what I love about Steven Soderbergh's movies. They are slick and well-crafted and don't look like anyone else's films. So, go see "Ocean's Twelve." It's a lot of fun and it makes you think. It's definitely a good way to spend a couple of hours. If nothing else, Brad and Matt and George are as sexy as ever :)

"Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. I can't talk about it, and I can't talk about why." -- Brad Pitt - "Ocean's Twelve"

A Blue Day

It was a strange day for me. There was goodness and badness and it was all tied to the same thing. I had my horse Rain up for sale. I didn't really want to sell her, but various extenuating circumstances that I won't go into here made it a neccessity. It was either Rain or Callie and Callie is never for sale so.... process of elimination, ya know? Anyway, I had a lady from Tennessee e-mail me on Friday night and ask if she could come see her today. I said sure. She and her family showed up this afternoon, hung out for a bit, gave me cash, loaded my horse up and took her away. I knew it would happen eventually, but it was still sad :( The buying and selling of horses is an odd thing. I've sold a lot of horses over the years and it never really gets any easier. I've always referred to my horses as my kids so how fucked up is it that I can bring myself to sell one? Never mind, don't answer that... Rain was special too. Of all the horses I've owned over the years, she was definitely one of the best. Her new owner seems very nice and I'm sure will give her a good home, but she was my friend and I will really miss her...

"The mysteries of life, the most potent gifts of existence, quite often arrive on the backs of black horses." -- Linda Kohanov - "The Tao of Equus"

It's Fun to be a Vampire

I lost a post along the way somehow. I had posted on Wed night when I was in Asheville, NC and the post was there this morning, but it has mysteriously disappeared. Must be Gremlins or something...

Anyway, I'm back from Asheville now. It's not a bad little town. Kinda pretty up there. Of course I can think of probably 100 different places where I would rather have travelled to, like say New Zealand, or Ireland, or I don't know... maybe Italy :) Still, it was a fairly productive trip so I'm glad we went, even though it was really fucking cold up there.

I saw "Blade:Trinity" last night. It was pretty good. Typical Blade movie. It was better than the 2nd one but not quite as good as the 1st. Actually, there were some aspects of it I liked better than the original. Wesley Snipes was still good as Blade, but he's been playing this role for so long now that he doesn't have to put much effort into it anymore. Parker Posey was creepily disturbing. As predicted, Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel were great additions to the cast. In fact, they were the best part of the movie. I really like Jessica Biel. She was great as Whistler's daughter, Abigail. Sorta Buffy meets Kiddo (from "Kill Bill"). Ryan Reynolds was definitely the standout though. He's hot AND he's funny. Always a winning combination. I have to admit that I've always has a soft spot for Ryan though. Back during his "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place" days, I knew someone who was sleeping with him and she always said that he's a super nice guy AND he's great in bed. Again, always a good combination of traits. I like guys who are funny and talented - and by "talented" I mean talented in lots of different ways ;) So Blade was good. It doesn't really break any new ground in the vampire genre, but if you liked the first two, you'll probably like this one...

"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
- James Marsters - "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

When Hell Freezes Over

Maybe when that happens, we'll have hockey again. Let me start out by saying that some of my best friends are hockey players. I understand why the NHLPA doesn't want a salary cap, but dammit! I'm way over this lockout crap. It's petty and stupid and childish. The players are wrong. The owners are wrong. It's just greed feeding upon itself on both sides. It seems like only yesterday that we had the shortened '94-'95 season and that sucked, but at least they managed to salvage part of a season. There's no way in hell that happens this time. The NHL won't play. The All-Star game has already been cancelled and barring a Christmas miracle the rest of the season will follow shortly thereafter. The owners are already talking replacement players for next year. ('Cause that worked out soooo well for baseball.) That would be great for a lot of my friends that are playing in the minors, but it's bad for the sport overall. I love Kimbi, but there is a reason he's not playing in the NHL anymore. Hockey does not have the foothold on the American psyche that baseball does and look how long it took for that sport to come back from a strike. Hell, most would say that it still hasn't recovered. I don't know that the NHL as we know it will survive this; which is a fucking shame. Hockey is a great sport. It's the only sport that I really follow. My interest in baseball and soccer is fleeting at best. I watch them, but I don't love them like I do hockey. It's disheartening to see that the players and owners have fallen as far as they have. They all need to be adults and look past the dollar signs and work this shit out. Concessions are going to have to be made by both sides for this to work. Here's hoping they can all still step up in time to save the sport... since obvisouly they aren't going to get their shit together in time to save the season...

"How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?" - Jacques Plante

A Long Day's Journey Into Night

I'm back in Atlanta. Can't say I'm glad. My time off was definitely not long enough. I need at least another week. No such luck. I am glad that the actual travel part of my vacation is over though. The trip home was basically an all day affair. It's a 2 hour drive from Joplin to the Tulsa airport, then we hung out at said airport for a couple of hours. (My mom and step-dad are worst case scenario travellers. We always leave for the airport way sooner then we need to.) Try as we might we could not get on a non-stop flight from Tulsa to Atlanta so that meant a pitstop in the black hole that is the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport. I recommend avoiding DFW at all costs. It's just a horrible airport to have to navigate through. Then it's an hour and ½ flight from DFW back to ATL. We left Joplin at around 11 AM and I got home shortly after midnight. It was just a long fucking day. So no major plans for today. Go check on the horses. Maybe hit a movie. We'll just see how the day goes. Tomorrow it's back to work :P That whole running away to Europe thing keeps looking better and better....

"The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can.
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet,
And whither then? I cannot say."

-- JRR Tolkein - "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring"

A Greek Thanksgiving

So Thanksgiving was great. As usual, everyone ate too much, but a good time was still had by all. I managed not to get drawn into any political debates (pretty much everyone here is an ultra-conservative Republican – if you want to really wind them up just mention abortion, John Kerry, or Hilary Clinton). Not surprisingly I long ago managed to suck my sister into my movie-going madness. We have a longstanding tradition in which the girls all go out to see a movie every Thanksgiving night after dinner. (It’s a leave-the guys-home-with-the-kids escapism kinda thing.) The choices of what to see this year were not particularly promising, but considering we’ve seen such “gems” in the past as “Alien 3” and “Solaris,” I still had hope that we could at least top those. So it came down to seeing “National Treasure” or “Alexander.” Despite my insistence to my mom and sis that I would be perfectly willing to sit through NT again, they didn’t seem to believe me, so “Alexander” it was. (I think the fact that “Alexander” started almost an hour earlier had something to do with it as well. They must have missed me telling them that it was 3 hours long.) I did not have high hopes for this film. I had heard some really, really bad things about it. Well, it was not Oliver Stone’s best film by any means, but it was definitely way better than I expected. Oliver Stone is a great director; even with his films that I hate, I am still willing to admit that they are beautifully shot. From a totally artistic perspective they are always extraordinary. “Alexander” is no exception. A lot of it is very dream-like and different from what you would normally find in what is largely a battle epic. One scene was even shot using color infrared film and is a very cool technique that you don’t see very often. The movie is worth watching for the elephant battle scene alone. Val Kilmer is great as Alexander’s father, Phillip - a nomination for Best Supporting Actor would not be unwarranted here. We all know how I feel about Angelina Jolie and she does a decent job as his mother, Olympias. In some scenes she is really great. In others she seems to be trying too hard. I expect better from her. I have been skeptical about Colin Farrell playing Alexander since I heard he was cast like a year ago. He did a better job than I ever would have thought possible, but I still stand by my initial reaction that he was horribly miscast. Like Angelina, there are some scenes where he gives a really great performance. Then there are others where he is just horrible – that Irish brogue of his slips through a couple of times and is just bad, bad, bad in the context of the film. The story is good and is based fairly firmly in what historical information exists regarding the real Alexander the Great. (There are a couple of great scenes with his horse Bucephalus that of course I loved.) The script could have used some tweaking. I know it’s supposed to be an epic but that 3 hour run time could have been cut by probably ½ an hour and I don’t think the film would have lost anything. In fact, I think it would have made it tighter and less “rambling.” Colin gives a few too many inspirational, “rally-the-troops,” kinda speeches and after like the 3^rd one, I was pretty much over his proclamations. Still, for people who like “sword-and-sandal” films, it’s definitely worth checking out. It’s nowhere near as good as “Gladiator,” but I liked it better than “Troy” - although I’ll still take naked Brad Pitt over naked Colin Farrell any day :)

“Which dreams indeed are ambition, for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream.”

– William Shakespeare – “Hamlet” - Act II, scene ii

Oh, and I almost forgot - fuck ;)

Baking Under the Influence

Not much to report today. I woke up to snow. It died off by late morning, but still snow is snow. Mostly I just sorta hung out with the family. It was very non-stressful and non-stressful is always good in my book...

Over the past few years my sister Shannon and I have come to be in charge of desserts for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a task we sorta brought upon ourselves. When Shannon first moved to Missouri she was not allowed to bring anything to the dinner. Her first year she was in charge of celery. The next year I showed up to the shindig and we decided to stage a dessert coup. We just made whatever the hell we wanted and brought it along. Fuck everyone else if they decided not to eat it. Well, Shannon is a hell of a cook and I'm pretty good when properly supervised (i.e. when someone keeps an eye on me and makes me follow the recipe and not improvise too much). After that first hostile take over things just kinda snowballed. Our desserts went over huge and so now 8 years later, her husband's family has just thrown all the responsibility for them to us. My specialty is a chocolate, bourbon pecan pie. Not to brag or anything, but it is to die for. I am not the domestic-goddess type in even the remotest sense of the word, but this pie is the one thing that I can make. It honestly might be better than sex... some sex anyway :) Needless to say, we make at least one of those every year. So Shannon and I got most of our baking out of the way this afternoon, which is pretty impressive considering that we started drinking Kahlua Mudslides shortly after we started. It's amazing how quickly the afternoon went by. We were pretty amused with ourselves by the time we were done. Our brother Mike found us much less funny than we found ourselves. He apparently does not like to have pie dough thrown at him. Go figure. All-in-all a fun afternoon. I love this time of year.

"A lot of men get very funny about women drinking: They don't really like it. Well, I'm sorry lads, but if we didn't get pissed, most of you would never get a shag." -- Jenny Eclair

National Lampoon's Thanksgiving Vacation

Atlanta – 10:46 AM - So I’m sitting in the Crown Room at the Atlanta airport waiting on my flight to the lovely metropolis of Tulsa, OK. My trip has barely started yet and OMFG! Every year I say I will NEVER travel with the ‘rents again and yet somehow, year after year I seem to make the pilgrimage to Joplin with them. I need to start leaving the day before they do and coming back the day after. It’s not like I don’t have enough eTime built up at work to take a couple of extra days off. It’s not that I don’t get along with my mom and my step-dad. I do. They’re good people, but they are a pain in the ass to travel with. They bicker back and forth about stupid shit and it makes me fucking crazy… and that’s on a good travel day. God forbid something should go wrong. That could be the stuff nightmares are made of. I’ve gotten pretty good at tuning them out most of the time, but I still manage to get sucked into the occasional conversation (usually about directions on how to get somewhere). I’m on vacation. If I wanted to argue with people I would have stayed home and worked, ya know?

I am however; glad to be getting the hell out of the ATL for a few days. The weather here is really screwy right now. It’s still rainy and ugly but now it’s like 70 freakin’ degrees out. I also really, really need the break from work… I should head out to my gate shortly, but Delta’s internet connection appears to be down so it looks like I’ll need to post this once I get to Joplin…

Joplin – 8:39 PM (Central Time) – So after an hour + delay in Atlanta we finally got underway. The flight to Tulsa is about an hour and a half and was uneventful. My brother, Mike flew in from Bozeman, MT and met us at the Tulsa airport. We picked up the rental car and headed to MO. The weather was really ugly, not cold yet but lots of rain and fog. Riding in a car with my mom driving is never fun, especially in the rain. She seems to think the rest of the drivers on the road are psychic and know what the hell she is trying to do. She is convinced that turn signals are optional equipment and that rental cars are not equipped with them. It’s always an experience. She only tried to kill us once and we managed to arrive in Joplin unscathed. It’s good to be here. I love seeing my nephews and I don’t get to spend nearly enough time with my sister during the year so I always look forward to my annual Thanksgiving visit.

I don’t really have any good travel-related quotes to use, so I’ll just pull a random one from my “Good Girls…” book. I kinda like this one from Cher:

“A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong men.”

Let's Talk About Sex... and Snow

First off, my apologies to Liam Neeson for not including him on my list of award hopefuls yesterday. I have not seen "Kinsey" yet, but from what I hear, he gives a hell of a performance. I can't wait to see it. Peter Saarsgard from "Garden State" is in it as well and I totally adore him.

Not much to report today. The weather here is really crappy. I'm all packed and ready to fly out to Missouri tomorrow morning. They're predicting snow there so that might be fun. I'm not a huge fan of cold weather, but I'll take cold and snowy over cold and rainy anytime...

A friend of mine gave me a book this weekend called, "Nice Girls Finish Last: Wicked Words on Drinking, Shopping, Gossiping, Sex, and All Your Favorite Bad Habits." Long title. Great book. It's basically full of quotes that apply to those "bad girls" who live life a little differently than society would probably like. Girls who like to use the work "fuck" in their blog a lot. You know the type ;) I'm sure a large number of these quotes will end up on here at some point. Here's one for today:

"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." -- Mrs Patrick Campbell (She was a prominant London actress in the early 1900's)

Nominations All Around

It's getting to be that time of year again. The time when the studios start putting out the movies that they think should win awards. Golden Globes. Oscars. All those little statuettes looking for new homes. I've seen a lot of movies this year. Some good. Some not so. This afternoon I saw "Sideways." It's a fairly "small" movie, but I wouldn't really call it an indie. It was outstanding. Well-written. Beautifully shot. Great performances by the entire cast, but the real standout was Paul Giamatti. It will be a fucking crime if he doesn't get a Best Actor nomination for this film. Paul has always been a great character actor, but this is really a breakout performance for him. Thomas Hayden Church was great as well, but I don't think he was strong enough to garner a nod and his part was too big to really be considered a "supporting" role.... So, with Giamatti thrown into the mix, here's my take on who should get best actor nominations come awards season. First up, there's no way in hell Jamie Fox won't get nominated for "Ray." That's sorta the no-brainer. Then I'll go with Giamatti for "Sideways" and Johnny Depp for "Finding Neverland." I think that's it for performances so far, but there are some big movies coming out in the next few weeks that might get some attention. Hopefully "Beyond the Sea" will be as great as it looks and Kevin Spacey will get another nomination... but then of course I'm always pulling for Kevin :) Based on what I've heard, both "Alexander" and "The Aviator" have some serious issues so I don't think we're looking at noms for DiCaprio or Farrell. That opens the door for some more independent stuff to get a look. Maybe Christian Bale for "The Machinist" or Zach Braff for "Garden State." In a perfect world, GS will get a bunch of nominations, but I don't know that I'd be willing to lay bets on it. If nothing else, Zach better get nominated for best screenplay. So there it is. Just some rambling thoughts on how I think the awards race is starting to shape up...

Along with my plans to start including "fuck" in all of my blogs, I think I'm going to start including more quotes as well. I've got a huge collection of interesting quotes I've picked up over the years and figure this might be a good place to share them. The challenge may prove to be finding ones that are at least semi-relevant to my post for the day. So in honor of great performances by actors everywhere, here's one for all the dreamers out there who have the balls to live their lives on their own terms:

"live with imagination.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is."

-- Mary Anne Radmacher

R-rated blogging

I was talking to some people at work yesterday and the subject of my blog came up. Seems they were amused by the somewhat "racy" turn it has taken in recent weeks. Glad to know I've been so entertaining of late. Anyway, I mentioned that "fuck" is one of my favorite words (and as it happens, one of my favorite activities ;) and I've decided to incorporate it into my posts every day from here on out. (Let's hope I don't have any Disney films to review for awhile.) This prompted the suggestion that I answer the questions that James Lipton asks of all his guests on Bravo's "Inside the Actor's Studio." Since there isn't a chance in hell that I'll ever be on that show, it seemed like a good idea, so here goes:

1. What is your favorite word? "Nifty"
2. What is your least favorite word? "No"
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Charisma - People who are passionate about something (life in general, a cause, their work, etc.)
4. What turns you off? Dishonesty
5. What is your favorite curse word? "Fuck"
6. What sound or noise do you love? The wind blowing through the trees before a big storm.
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Lawnmowers @ 7AM on a Saturday morning
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Writer
9. What profession would you not like to do? Math Teacher
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear St Peter say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Wow! That was quite a ride you had!"

For some reason, the hardest question for me to answer was #1. I don't know that I actually have a favorite word, but I use "nifty" a lot, so there you go... Now, everyone go out there and have a great weekend!

"I know it hurts, but it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life and it's pretty much all we got." -- Natalie Portman - "Garden State

At a Loss

I honestly have no idea what I want to write about today. So I'll just start typing and we'll see what happens. A stream-of-consciousness post. This might be an interesting experiment....

So, I stayed up much too late last night playing EQ. I'm like 5 good kills away from Level 13 and soooo wanted to keep playing but by like 1:30 I could barely keep my eyes open and was just not paying attention. I fell off a fairly large cliff running away from a fairly large red dinosaur and almost died. I decided that was my Q to call it a night. I'll get to 13 tonight and then I can start double-weilding my weapons. Ok, so I'm a major geek. I know this.... I finally caved and ordered DSL. It was way overdue. I work for a freakin' Internet company and was still on dialup. That's just dumb. Again, I know this. Self-awareness is not something I am lacking. (Except apparently when it comes to men. Then I can be as blind as a fucking bat as to what's really going on. Which I totally don't get. I am usually so good at "reading" people, but then I get around certain guys and it's like my brain just shuts off. I lose all sense of perspective and even seem to lose the ability to tell right from wrong. I have done some seriously stupid shit in my pursuit of some of the men I've been involved with. Does this happen to all women? or just me? I mean, I am not an emotional person. I'm very, very good at detaching myself from my feelings. So why is it that sometimes I just seem to lose my mind and get paranoid and stupid and fuck up what could be a really good thing? Maybe it's Fate telling me something. God knows with Kimball at least, Fate was screaming in my ear, "Run Forrest! Run!" and I still didn't fucking hear it. Actually, it wasn't that I didn't hear it, I just blatantly chose to ignore it. Warning to all - don't ignore Fate. It turns out badly. Sorry, that was like a major digression there. I had an e-mail from my stupid ex this morning that wound me up and it just pisses me off that he can still get me this worked up...) So anyway, I ordered my DSL on Tues, my FOC date was yesterday, and my line is complete today. That's super speedy. I remember back when it would take weeks and weeks and weeks to get a line provisioned. I'll get it all hooked up this weekend. Maybe I won't lag so fucking bad on the Plane of Knowledge anymore. Woo Hoo for DSL! No earthshattering plans for the weekend. I'm sure I'll get a movie or two seen. I'll play a lot of EQ. I'll sleep and sleep and sleep some more... and I should probably get some laundry done before I leave town on Tuesday. The weather looks promising for Saturday so I think I'll take my horse trail riding. No plans that are set in stone, which is always a nice feeeling. There is absolutely nothing that I HAVE to do all weekend. Tenetatively I want to go to the Breman Museum on Sunday afternoon. They have an exhibit on comic books right now that I really want to check out at some point....

National Treasure

Let me start out by saying, I didn't dislike "National Treasure." It's not a bad film. It's a good go to the movies, eat some popcorn (except for me, I detest popcorn), and just sit back and enjoy the ride kinda film. It's clever and makes you think more than your typical action-adventure film. All that being said, I was still kinda disappointed with the flick as a whole. It just felt kinda "disjointed" to me. Take "The DaVinci Code," "Tomb Raider," and "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade"and throw them all together... those are all fine works that I enjoyed on their own, but when you mix them all together it doesn't work out quite as well as you would think. My biggest problem with the film was the flow of the first 1/3 of the picture into the last 2/3 of the picture. The first 1/2 hour or so is basically a heist film in which Nic Cage devises a way to steal the Declaration of Independence. It's far-fetched and requires some serious suspension of disbelief to buy into and I just really didn't. After that the movie picks up. It turns into more of an action-adventure film as Nic and company start following a series of historical clues on the path to locating a mythical treasure cache. The clues they follow are all based on historical fact. They are cleverly tied together and are the most interesting aspect of the film. Nic Cage is fine as Benjamin Franklin Gates. It's the type of character we've seen him play before so it wasn't much of a stretch for him. Sean Bean is hot and plays a great bad guy. Justin Bartha is Cage's "sidekick" and he gives an outstanding performance. He's the comic relief in the pic, but he's witty without being stupid or annoying. So, like I said, I didn't dislike "National Treasure." It was a fun movie. It just wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be.

Craving Some Ink

Let's take a departure from my morose commentary from yesterday. I adamantly refuse to be unhappy today. Let's talk about tattoos instead. I've currently got six of them and I really, really want to get my next. It's been a couple of years since my last one which means I'm way overdue for another one. Here's the link to pics of ones that I already have, a few I'm contemplating getting, and even a couple that I've drawn for other people:

http://www.ancalagonmorgans.com/Tats.html

I know a lot of people are still vehemently opposed to getting tattoos. They can't get over the old negative stereotypes that tattoos conotated in the past. They still summon up images of Hells Angels, drug dealers, and drunken sailors when it comes to tats. That kind of thinking is close-minded and stupid, but whatever. That's their perogative... Fortunately, tattoos have become much less taboo in recent years, so more often I run into people who just don't "get" the whole tat thing, but they are at least fairly accepting of it.

I don't know that I can explain my fascination with getting inked, but I'll give it a shot. It's not a rebellion thing. I didn't get my first one because my mom told me I absolutely could NOT have a tattoo. (Although she did tell me that. Words like "disowned" came up when I first mentioned my desire to get a tattoo. It proved to be a hollow threat. Six tats later and I still seem to get invited to Thanksgiving dinner.) I guess the easiest explanation is self-expression. Every tattoo that I have is symbolic of some aspect of my life, of who I am. My first ink was based on a Celtic design depicting the horse goddess Epona. Anyone who knows me knows that if there is one defining aspect of my life it is my horses. They have always been a force in my life and they always will be. (If you think I'm crazy now, you should see me when I don't have a horse in my life to "balance" me out.) My dragon tattoo reflects my belief in fate and the fantastical. I've always had an obsession with dragons. They are magical and powerful and ethereal. My dragon is wrapped around a wheel of fortune (like the one on a tarot card). He is there as a symbol of the magic that exists in my world and the idea that all fortune (good and ill) is tied to fate and that as much as we would like to control it we can't. The wheel will stop where it does, when it does, and the best we can hope for is that we have a guardian looking out for us. This blog is starting to get a little longer than I had planned so I'll wrap it up with my blue tiger tattoo. Like dragons, I have always loved tigers. They are strong and beautiful and no one fucks with them. They are masters of their domains. Tigers have always been symbols of strength and protection. I figured I need all the help I can get, so now I've got a tiger to watch my back, so to speak. He is blue with green stripes because I hate for things to be common. An orange tiger tat would have been boring and I detest boring. In my head tigers should be blue and there are stories in Sumatra of rare blue tigers stalking the forest. They are the stuff of legend and I'm a sucker for a good fairy tale :)

So, there you go. A little insight into why I have some of the tats I have. Anyone who has them will tell you they are addictive. You can't just have one. I know they are not for everyone and that's fine. As I've said many, many times before, I am a dreamer. I prefer to live somewhere on the edge of normal. My tattoos are a reflection of that and I foresee several more in my future. They are part of the travelouge of my life and I hope the journey only gets more interesting from here...

Hello? Have you met me?

Wow, two posts in one day. That hasn't happened in awhile. So much for me not blogging much this week... Apparently my post from this afternoon caused some concern among the locals. Rest assured there is nothing wrong with me... nothing specific anyway, just my usual neurotic self. I was having a blue day. That's partly what this blog is for; to get the craziness out of my head and put it somewhere else. It helps for me to write things down, even if it's in an incoherent, somewhat babbly kinda way. I just get this way sometimes. It's no major cause for concern. As it turns out, my behemoth of a Latin test was definitely a contributing factor to my unhappiness today. Once it was done and I stepped out of class, I felt a noticeable shift in my perceptions. So, hopefully things will be peachier tomorrow. That's not to say that I'm not still contemplating running away to Europe. That's a possibility I think I'll just keep open for now ;)

Audaces Fortuna Iuvat

YAWN.... so I'm stuck in this training class all week. I helped write a large portion of this courseware and yet here I am sitting in on the class. Technically, I'm here as an "observer." Some of the discussions have actually been productive, but others not so much. (Think of Prometheus having his liver eaten day after day only to have it regenerated and you'll get some idea of how painful some of this stuff has been to sit through.) I've got 2 more days to go too... To top it all off, I've been in sort of a funk so far this week. Nothing specific to point out as the cause. (The killer Latin test I have tonight might be part of it though.) I just feel a little trapped right now. I need a change in my life. I'm not sure exactly what kind of change, just a change. A small one. A radical one. Whatever. Just something. I'm off next week for the Thanksgiving holiday and will get to go visit my sister, Shannon and her family in Missouri. That should help... I say should, but I know from past experience that sometimes going to visit her makes me even more melancholy. It's not that I want her life. She's married and has kids and as much as I love my brother-in-law and my 2 nephews, that's just not where I see my life going, but she's happy. That's what I'm envious of. I know that my current life is not what it should be. There is something else out there for me. I just have to have the balls to go out and find it. Fortune favors the bold. Maybe just selling all my worldly possessions and running away to Europe.... now there's a thought. Of course most people will probably tell you that running away from your problems usually doesn't solve them. They are still there when you get back. Well, maybe I just won't come back. We'll see. I'm rambling. I do that sometimes...

The Edge of Reason

No blogs over the weekend. I just didn't have the time or the motivation to post anything. The weekend was just way too short. The poker party went well on Sat night. I lost $10 but finally got the check from the insurance company for the accident I was in back in Sept so fortunately $10 didn't prove to be too big a hit for me :)

Friday night (after I had sorta recovered from my afternoon tequila binge) I saw "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason." It was pretty good. Good performances all around, but the story was a little weak and tried too hard in some places. It was definitely not as good as the origianl. (Damn, there were a lot of "goods" in that paragraph - notice they were "goods" and not "greats.") Still, for people who liked the first film, I think you'll like this one as well. If nothing else, Hugh and Colin were both still yummy ;)

Not much else to report. I rode my horse and played some EQ. This week is going to be crazy at work so my blogs may end up being few. I'll have to see how things go. I'm going to a screening of "National Treasure" on Wednesday so I'll try to at least post my spin on that.

Happy Monday! and Happy Birthday! to my favorite Scorpio out there ;)

Tequila est El Diablo

I have lost my mind. I know better than to drink tequila, especially in anything other than very small doses, but some people around me just prove to be a very bad influence at times :) I had 2 particularly strong Margaritas at lunch today and they have definitely impaired my judgement. It's a good thing I had the rest of the afternoon off or I really would have been fucked. Of course, I like to think that if I had planned on going back to work, I would not have been stupid enough to drink all that alcohol. I'm such a light weight when it comes to drinking. Two good strong drinks and I'm practially ready to dance on the bar. It also drops my IQ level a couple hundred points. I say things I definitely should not, and piss off people that I don't want to alienate. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm 33 years old. You would think I would know better by now. Apparently not. I'm just having a weird day and the tequila did not help make things any better. I should go hop on EQ. A drunk Vah Shir running around chasing orcs would probably be pretty amusing about now....

Sex, Lies, and a Little Secret

I have felt sorta crappy all week. I think the changing weather has been the root cause but I'm sure stress and a lack of sleep have been factored into the equation as well. (Wow, I'm using math references. I think that's one of the signs of the Apocalypse.) To top it all off, it's cold and rainy and what I really want to do is climb back into my nice warm bed and go to sleep, but no such luck. Today, not only did I wake up late, but I woke up with a killer headache. One of those that's not quite a migraine, but definitely has the ambition of becoming one. The best cure for these kinds of headaches is sex, or more specifically the endorphins released by a really good orgasm. (To all the guys out there, I'll let you in on a little secret. If a woman ever tells you she's not in the mood and claims it's because she has a headache, that's bullshit. It means she just doesn't want to fuck you.) There is no better headache relief. However, I don't think sex is an option right this minute though seeing as how I'm at work..... A nice long sleep would probably do it too, but that's not nearly as much fun and once again the whole work thing fucks that option up too. I need to kill this thing before it gets worse, but after the little Vicodin episode last week, I'm thinking I don't want to go the chemical route. I need to at least be able to function today. Maybe coffee will do the trick, but I'm thinking this headache might be beyond the healing powers of caffeine. It's looking like it's going to be a long Thursday...

Second Star to the Right

Let me start this blog out by saying I absolutely adore Johnny Depp. This guy has more talent and charisma than a lot of the big stars in the biz today all rolled into one. He has made some not-so-great films, but even in those, his performances have always been outstanding. He often far exceeds the material he is given to work with. I'm happy to say that "Finding Neverland" is not only another award nomination worthy performance for Depp, but it's just an extraordinary film all around. Big kudos for all the solid and sometimes heartbreaking performances given by the whole cast. Even the sometimes annoying Kate Winslet does a good job here. The kids that play her sons, and in particular Freddie Highmore who plays Peter, are excellent. (On a sidenote - Freddie will be working with Johnny again in Tim Burton's upcoming film, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.") "Finding Neveland" opens this weekend. I highly recommend it.

I also want to briefly mention how bizarre some of the screenings I have been to recently were. Tonight it was almost as bad as getting through security at the fucking airport. I know pirating is a big deal in the movie biz these days, but come on. There were people with metal detector wands and some big security guy walking through the aisles before the film started telling people to get off their cell phones. Like they could reproduce the film with a fucking camera phone! It bordered on the absurd and it's basically useless. The people who go to screenings are not the ones pirating the films and selling them on the 'net. The copies that pop up online are generally too good to have been shot in guerilla fashion. They are copies that projectionists are burning from DLP prints or shooting from the booth after hours. I was a projectionist for a long time and I know how easy it is to copy a print of a film if you are really motivated to do it. It's the true die-hard movie fans who end up at most of these things and the 3rd degree security is starting to piss those people off. Hopefully the film companies will get a clue and stop policing these screenings so harshly. Sorry, just had to rant about that...

Go see "Finding Neverland." Johnny Depp, YAY! :)

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

I've always been something of a geek. I admit that, but I have a confession to make. I am now a geek of the first order. I have been sucked back into the world of "EverQuest." I'm not going to bother to give an elaborate explaination of what EQ is. If you don't know, then you probably don't want to. Suffice it to say that it's an online gaming community in which you create a character and then you go out into the EverQuest world and kill things. There's a lot more to it than that, but you get the idea. I've never been much of a gamer. Mainly because I'm not very good at video games and I've never had much patience with things that I'm not good at. In fact, I think you can safely say that patience in general is not one of my virtues. I had played EQ briefly a few years back, but never got very far so I quit playing. Well, I'm back into it now and am having a lot more fun this time around. It helps that I've got a good friend who's been playing in this world for quite awhile and has given me some invaluable help and insight. It's sorta like having a guardian angel; my own personal Obi-Wan or something... and believe me, I've needed all the help I can get :) It's amazing how much better this game is now that I at least have a vague idea of what the fuck I'm doing... rather than just running around blindly with no fucking clue. I'm still reckless and tend to get myself into situations that are WAY beyond my level. Not surprisingly, I seem to play my character the way I live my life. My blood lust gets up and I just rush into the fray without any regard to the consequences. Needless to say, I've gotten squashed by some really big monsters on a couple of occasions by doing that... but I've learned my lesson to some extent and am at least slightly more cautious now... Anyway, I'm not sure that my renewed interest in EQ is neccesarily a good thing. This is a very time consuming game and it's proving to be very addictive. Still, I guess there are worse things I could be doing with my time... no, really, I'm sure there are.... it's not like I'm going out and robbing banks as a hobby or anything... Probably the most disturbing aspect of my EQ fixation has been the fucked up dreams I've had for the last couple of nights. I should not be dreaming about running around killing skeletons and giant scorpions. Shouldn't it be some sort of red flag when you start dreaming about a freakin' video game world? There are MUCH better activities that I could be dreaming about... which is not to say that I haven't been dreaming about those things too ;)

My life is very odd these days....