Cameo Appearances

Here's yet another weird thing I've discovered about living in Hollywood, especially with my current job. I've always over-identified with characters in certain TV shows. That has taken a certain bizarre new twist. Now I suddenly do know some of the people on these shows and so they've taken on this fucked up home-movie aspect in my brain. (Ok, so they're home movies with really big budgets, but that's really besides the point.) I've always hung out with actors and musicians and athletes and so you'd think I'd be used to watching these guys do their thing, and to some extent I am, but there's still a certain weirdness to it. A good friend of mine was on last night's episode of "Las Vegas." He did a good job, but I can't begin to tell you how strange it was. The character wasn't much of a stretch for him. He basically played an exaggerated version of himself, which I found terribly amusing, but you know in those movies like "Forrest Gump" where they impose actual footage of dead celebrities into the movie? It works if it's well done but you still notice that something is not quite right? Its sorta like that... It's been a weird week and it's only Tuesday... I got an e-mail from The Devil. (For those of you unfamiliar with my demon-lover of an ex, just check out some of my posts from last December.) I hadn't heard from him in almost a year and the e-mail was totally innocuous, but it still kinda freaked me out. You'd think I'd be past this at this point. He shouldn't still be able to manipulate me like this, but apparently he can... I was also annoyed with S-boy this weekend, but decided I was annoyed for a stupid reason so just got over it. I talked to him for a bit today and I was right, my annoyance was stupid... So now I'm annoyed with Adam... ok, not really annoyed. More frustrated. Just once I would like to fall for a guy who likes me for who I am... not that Adam doesn't. It's just that he thinks he's too conservative for me. That I'll get bored with him. WTF? Isn't that my decision to make? If he thinks I'm too aggressive (which he said some stuff that implies that he does) or if he doesn't want to go out with me (which he said is not the case), then he needs to just fucking tell me that. He did say he's not sure what he wants. Grrr... Argh... So what did I do? Well, I decided to just lay things on the line and tell him how I feel. Probably a stupid thing to do. I know, but fuck it. I did it anyway. I told him I like him. Like him a lot. I want to go out with him. I know what I want and when he figures out what he wants he should give me a call. That's how we left things. Did I mention Grrr? and Argh? I give up. If he comes around he comes around. I'm not going to drive myself crazy over this shit anymore... God bless The Naked Indian though. He's helping to keep me sane these days. He's pretty much the only guy in my life not trying (intentionally or not) to piss me off this week...

"Real love is more than a physical feeling. If there's even the slightest doubt in your head about a guy, then forget about it. It's not real." - Ethan Embry