Closure

So against my better judgement I called HWMNBN and asked him to go to dinner tonight. What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment. Actually, I saw it more as a necessary evil. He had tried calling me all weekend and I ignored his calls and messages. When I finally did talk to him on Monday night we did not have what I would call a stellar conversation. It ended with him telling me to grow up and calling me a bitch and then me hanging up on him. And I was ok with that... But then he ran into another friend of mine on Tuesday night at a party... and while very intoxicated proceeded to tell that other friend a lot of things about me that he had no business telling anyone... So I decided enough was enough. I'm sick of this childish bullshit he's been pulling lately. He and I needed to sit down in a neutral environment and clear the air once and for all. I picked a nice (i.e. expensive) restaurant near his place that would be fairly quiet and where (hopefully) he would behave like the rational adult he is supposed to be. Not that being in a public forum has stopped him from behaving like a moron in the past, but I was hoping he would recognize the seriousness that this little rendevous deserved... and for once I got my wish. He was the perfect gentleman. He was more reserved than normal, but still behaved like the charming, funny guy that I fell for what seems like eons ago. It was nice to see that guy again. So we talked about everything that had brought us to this breaking point. We talked about our various problems and issues. We talked about the future. Sadly it will probably be a future apart. That's probably the best thing for both of us. There has just been too much damage done. One good conversation over a great dinner doesn't change that. And it was a good conversation. I see a light at the end of the tunnel for him. That makes me happy. Despite everything that's happened, I still love this guy. I want him to get better. I want him to be happy. Now I think maybe he might be. He has a long road ahead of him, but I have hope that he might yet get where he is supposed to go... So yeah. I'm glad we did this. Dinner was great and we went for a long walk on the beach afterwards and if nothing else, at least now we can say that things ended on a good note. And who knows? Maybe in the distant future things will be different and our lives will bring us back together again. I sorta hope that happens. Like I said, I'm a glutton for punishment... or maybe I'm just an eternal optimist... yeah, I like that better...

"For me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked: how do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?" -- Bell Hooks