Resistance Is Futile

Sorry my posts have been short and/or dark of late. I just have some things I'm trying to deal with and I know all of you out there have got to be really fucking sick of me bitching about my life... especially since my life is actually pretty good these days and I really have no right to bitch. I still love my job. Things turned out ok with Roland. I've met some really great people in the last few weeks. Aside from the fact that gas is probably going to hit $3 a gallon here by this weekend, and really missing The Naked Indian a lot more than usual, I have to say that all-in-all things are pretty peachy... which is why I've refrained from whining about men too much lately. It didn't seem right to do... but I changed my mind. I need to whine a little. Mainly about the fact that for some reason I'm having some trouble reconciling how I feel about certain new people in my life. I like S-boy WAY more than I should (and then there's this guy Adam who I haven't even mentioned yet for fear of jinxing anything.) S-boy is the real problem though. He's going to wreak some serious havoc in my life (through no fault of his own). I just see it coming. We've become very good friends and I think will remain so for a long time to come. There seems to be a giant question-mark hanging over us in regards to it turning into anything more than that though. We're both a little jaded when it comes to relationships right now. He recently got out of a relationship that was so fucked up that it amazed even me. I thought I had cornered the market on fucked up relationships, but he's got me beat. So between that and my big, dramatic fall-out with HWMNBN we're both a little gun shy right now. Maybe that's good. It's forcing us to take things slow and get to know each other as friends rather than just blindly rushing into anything... but that doesn't change the fact that I see myself falling for him. I can't help it. He's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He's thoughtful. He's charming. He seems to be just an all-around good guy. I'm going to be good. I'm not going to do anything stupid and try to push this any faster than it's meant to go. (Although the temptation to take him out, get him drunk, and take advantage of him is constantly nagging at the back of my mind ;) I know we're doing the right thing here. Along with being "The Queen of Fucked Up Relationships," I also should have earned a degree in "How To Bury Your Real Feelings" by now. I've had a lot of practice over the years. So that's what I'm going to do here. S-Boy and I will just continue to hang out and we'll see what happens. If this is meant to go somewhere more than the cursed land of "Just Friends" then it will. If not, then I'll learn to live with that. Like I said, he and I have become very good friends and I wouldn't change that for the world. And I'm certainly not going to fuck it up by doing anything as dumb as letting him know just how much I really like him.... In the meantime I may see where things go with this Adam guy. Maybe he'll prove an interesting enough distraction... Wow, that sounded shallow didn't it? I didn't mean it like that at all. Adam seems to be a really great guy and I'd soooo like to get to know him better, even if that turns into a just friends kinda thing too. I usually keep to myself a lot so having a few more friends out here in sunny LA can't hurt, right? Especially really cute male ones :) I told you I had some issues I was dealing with. My biggest issues always seem to be about men, don't they? You'd think some day I'd learn my lesson... but I can't help it. Some of them are just so charming and fun to be with that try as I might, I just can't resist them :)

"Be men, or be more than men. Be steady to your purposes and firm as a rock. This ice is not made of such stuff as your hearts may be; it is mutable and cannot withstand you if you say that it shall not." -- Mary Shelley - "Frankenstein"