My beautiful ice-eyed actor is stalking me now. Ok, well maybe not "stalking" per se, but he showed up at the lab again this afternoon for no good reason. His test prints aren't going to be ready until Tuesday and he damn well knew it. I was actually kind of amused as I watched him struggle for an excuse for why he was there. He finally came up with something about wanting to make sure we had picked the right font for his black & white shot. Ok fine. Except that we spent at least 15 minutes discussing fonts on Friday and if he'd just wanted to confirm that we were using "Brooklyn" then all he had to do was call. Not that I'm complaining. Like I've said before, I never mind having cute men flirt with me and this one in particular can come in any time he wants. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe he really is neurotic enough that he legitemately came in to confirm his font. It could just be that since I've developed this interest in him, I'm looking for something that isn't really there. Or maybe he's just one of those guys that is always charming and endearing to women when he talks to them and I've just fallen under his spell. If so, then he's a damn good actor and he should do well in this town. Aside from his name and the fact that he's an actor (strike 1 against him right there), I know absoultely nothing about this guy. He could be a gay Republican Nazi who clubs baby seals and sells crack to grade- schoolers in his spare time for all I know. Ok, so my "read" on him is probably not that far off, but my taste in men has not been stellar lately. With my track record, chances are better than good that this one is a raving psychotic. I just hope not. I also hope that I'm not seeing a mutual attraction that isn't really there. I know I said in my previous post that I wouldn't go out with him even if he was interested, but I spent the weekend rethinking that position. I take it back. My interaction with him today solidified that. I do want him to ask. I'm not saying I want to run off to Vegas and marry the guy. I'm also not saying that I want to hop into bed with him. I don't. But the thought of maybe going out for a nice dinner with a good-looking guy is not as horrific an idea as I was thinking it would be. If nothing else it would be nice just to get asked. I will try and block out the fact that I suck at dating, especially early on. I'm not good at small talk. I hate to talk about myself. I tend to get quiet and shy with people I don't know and that can lead to some uncomfortable silences which I struggle to fill and then always end up saying something boneheaded or odd. Either that or the guy takes my silence as bitchiness and that's even worse than having him think I'm just quiet by nature. ARGH! See, this is why I don't do the dating thing. This guy hasn't even asked me out (yet) and already I'm stressing out about it. I'm a neurotic fucking freak. Somebody just shoot me. Well, I know for sure that he'll be in tomorrow to approve his test prints. Hopefully he'll come in early so I don't have to spend all day wondering when he's going to walk in the door. Dammit. Now what the fuck am I going to wear to work?
"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people." -- John Lennon
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