Hypocritical

Ok, this doesn't happen very often so don't get used to it, but I have an apology to make... well, a partial apology anyway. I have spent the last 6 or so weeks being very angry with HWMNBN. I am still angry with him and this changes nothing between us, but I do need to apologize for not being more understanding about certain things that he has been dealing with. Michael has a problem, a very serious problem that most people would consider an addiction. He refuses to admit he has a problem in spite of evidence to the contrary that keeps staring him in the face. Me (and others close to him) have been suffering the side effects of this problem of his and I for one have been very judgemental (and rightfully so) of his lack of acknowledgement. I do have a new perspective into his way of thinking now though because S-Boy brought to my attention last night that I am doing almost the same fucking thing in my own life. My problems are not as bad as Michael's, and they are only effecting me and not those around me, but I realize that that is splitting hairs, and does not justify them. They say that confession is good for the soul, so here goes. I seem to have adopted some unhealthy habits in the past couple of months. The one I'm prepared to deal with is my eating habit. I've been functioning on mostly caffeine and powerbars for weeks now. It's amazing how easy it is to just not eat once you get used to not doing it. My schedule is really fucked up these days. I get up with just enough time to get ready for work and run out the door. I get coffee on my way to the shop and that constitutes breakfast. For lunch I've taken to eating Clif Bars. They are easy and they keep me going through my crazy afternoons. This behavior would almost be acceptable if I then had a decent meal for dinner, but I usually don't. I am normally just unmotivated to cook by the time I get home so I don't bother. Ok, ok, ok. I know this is not good for me. That got drilled into my head last night and I was finally forced to admit that if I continue down this path, I will probably be doing some serious damage to my body. I will do better. I'll start eating healthier. I promise. There. Everyone happy? There is no need to sic a nutritionist on me. (Although S-Boy has threatened to send his after me if I don't get my act together.) My 2nd problem is one I'm not prepared to correct right now. I seem to have developed a "need" to take Tylenol PM in order to get to sleep every night. I know this is not a good thing, but I consider it the lesser of two evils at this point. I have weighed my options and I consider it much more important to get a good night's sleep than to worry about wether or not my sustained use of OTC sleeping pills should be considered an "addiction." Maybe this means I'm in denial, but I don't fucking care. I'm not going to stop taking them. Not right now anyway. I'm sorry if that annoys some of the people in my life, but they are just going to have to deal with it. I am happier and more productive when I'm well rested and if I need some help to achieve that, so be it. Trust me, it would be much worse for those around me if I tried to function with no sleep... Sorry for the heavy rant, but it needed to be done. I needed Michael to understand that I see his problem in a new light and I'm sorry for not being more supportive of what he's going through. I'm not justifying or forgiving him for everything that happened between us. I still think he has a much bigger problem than he realizes and that he needs to admit he has an addiction and get some help for it before he really hurts himself or someone else, but at this point it seems I have no room to talk...

"The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn." -- David Russell