Dreamscapes

I had an odd day and an odder night. Everything is fine. Work was fairly quiet and it was a beautiful day all around. Don't let this little literary journey lead you to think otherwise. It's just one of my nighttime musings and although it's a little dark, its darkness doesn't necessarily mean anything. I just have to learn to be more careful what I wish for... or maybe I just need to be more specific in my wishing... In any case, my brain just does not want to shut down right now. Instead, as it is sometimes wont to do, it wants to spout poetry. I've learned that resistance is futile in these situations. I either put the words down on paper or I lie in bed while they run ceaselessly through my head. It's better to just give in. Some of it is still a bit unclear to me, but apparently it says what it needs to say. I don't have to fully understand it. I will in time. I have no doubt of that...

I fell asleep in the middle of my life today...
Or maybe I've been dreaming all along and finally woke up.
The thin, fine line between this and that has shifted
And I don't see it in my mind's eye anymore.
I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
I'm not sure which reality I prefer.
They both have light.
They both have dark.
They both have things I fear and people I love...
Sometimes those people even love me back.
Other times they do nothing more than break my heart.
I don't remember how to feel anymore.
In one reality I own my world.
In the other I have melted into the surface of a distant sun...
And I can't tell the difference between the two.
In both I always fall
And shatter on the glassland of one existence or another.
If I happen to survive the fall, on what island does my destiny lie this time?
For I've already seen the mountains of the moon,
And ridden boldly down the valley of the shadow...
And yet the shade does not speak to me as he did to those who rode before me.
I lost my guide.
So now I'm making my own maps...
Which explains the fucking circles I'm going in.
I'll call the book, "Questing for the Directionally Challenged."
It will be a best-seller amongst lost souls.
The signposts I placed are definitely not helping.
(I should have left breadcrumbs instead.)
They mostly seem to mark streets I have no business being on.
- Although on one quiet little cul-de-sac
The boys are playing, “Cowboys and Indians.”
I wish I had the time to stop and watch them play...
But I don't. Not today -
Usually I'm too blind to read the signs anyway…
And my seeing-eye dog seems to have a sense of humor.
But I guess you need one out here in the sunny dark.
I now understand being blinded by the light.
Despite all the miasmic confusion,
I love my lives and the people in them.
I think maybe that's the problem.
It's not that I don't remember how to feel.
It's that I can't seem to make myself stop.
So once again I will surely find
That I have fallen past the bottom of the well of redemption,
And I will just be able to watch helplessly as I lie there broken,
And my blood runs across the rocky ground,
And I'll wonder if I'm awake or asleep,
And not really care which is true.

"Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shade replied-
"If you seek for Eldorado!" -- Edgar Allen Poe - "Eldorado"