At some point during the night, a very large orc, with a very large hammer, drove a very large spike into my head. That is the only explanation I can come up with for this killer migraine that I just can not fucking get rid of. I have taken pretty much every drug known to man today and this thing still will not die. When you can't kill a headache with Percoset you got to start thinking brain tumor. I wish I could blame it on the wine I drank last night at dinner, but this is not a wine headache, and honestly I didn't drink that much... I guess I should back up here and give a bit of background, so here's the deal. I finally caved and went out with the guy I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. The one who said he'd let me drive his Porsche. He called me last night, said we had reservations at Fogo de Chao at 8:00, and that he was on his way over to pick me up. I'll say this for lawyer-boy, at least he's decisive. So he showed up, tossed me the keys to the Carrera and off we went. I've driven Porsches before. I love them. But this was different. Driving a Carrera GT is like driving a fucking spaceship. A spaceship that cost almost 10 times what I make in a year. A spaceship that cost more than most people pay for a house. It goes really fast and is a lot of fun to drive, but I can't even begin to imagine spending that kind of money on a car. So, dinner was fine. The food was excellent and we had some great wine. I'm sure it was expensive, but I'm not much of a wine drinker, so it's excellence was probably wasted on me. I do know enough to realize that when it says "Chateau Lafite Rothschild" on the bottle, it wasn't cheap. Aside from the food, dinner was boring. Being rich does not make people interesting. Once we had discussed the psycho-killer running amok in the city, he went into a long dissertation on the exciting world that it corporate law. YAWN. It's a good thing I was drinking. By the time we finished dessert, I was more than ready to get out of there and come home. So I explained that I'd had a long day at work (not entirely true), that I had a killer headache (not true at the time), and that I just needed to get home and get some sleep (ok, that part was true). Maybe my headache today is my punishment for lying about having one last night. So we came back to my place. He kind of hinted that he wanted to come in and stay the night, but at that point I was soooo not interested, so I played dumb, kissed him good night, and that was that. I must be a fucking idiot. Why am I only attracted to men who are bad for me? Lots of women marry for money. Why am I not one of those women? Maybe I'm just not that shallow. I don't know. I guess it doens't really matter. He's called me 3 times today. I have not called him back yet. I'm just not in the mood to deal with it right now... Which brings me back to my migraine. Here it is, 8:00 on a Saturday night and I should be out doing something, and yet here I sit in front of my computer posting to my blog. I can barely see out of my left eye at this point and I have a stuffed giraffe pressed against my forehead because it feels good to have it there. Maybe I should just take some more drugs and go to bed. What I really, really want is someone to pull my hair. I know that probably sounds weird, (not as weird as the giraffe comment, I'm sure) but it works. It's an accupressure kinda thing. It releases endorphins or something. Seriously, I'm not making this up. Sex might work too, but honestly, right now I'd rather have my hair pulled...
"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain." -- Jim Morrison
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