Just shoot me in the head. It would make my life easier. So like 2 weeks ago I got an email from this lady about a manager position that had opened up at the horse farm that she owns. I’ve known this woman for a couple of years and had actually interviewed with her the last time this spot was available. It didn’t work out at the time for a variety of reasons, but I told her if she was ever in the market for a manager again to give me a call. So she did. Great, right? It should have been. Aside from the fact that it would mean that I would be living in the cultural black hole that is Newnan, GA, this is the job I’ve been looking for. It’s a first class facility with really nice horses, comes with housing, utilities, benefits, board for my horse, and a decent salary. I was fully prepared to turn in my letter of resignation, pack up my stuff, and move to Newnan. I was supposed to go down there this past Saturday to re-interview but after leaving several messages to set up a time to meet, I had heard nothing back. I was not happy. Finally on Sunday night I got an e-mail from her. There were several extenuating circumstances as to why she had not called me, but they proved to be irrelevant as the bottom line was that she had convinced herself that I was overqualified for the job. It would be a waste of my life to be sitting around on a horse farm basically not doing much of anything. That’s the point! That’s what I want to be doing. I have a high stress job now. I don’t want another one. She knew my resume before she contacted me. Why the fuck did she have to go and get my hopes up like that? Grrrr... Arg... So it’s back to square one for this girl. To top it all off, everything I did at work yesterday turned out to be a waste of fucking time. They had given me the wrong data to work with, so my results were useless. I have to start all over today. I would not be quite so annoyed had I not mentioned that my results were sort of "funky" about 1/2 way through the project yesterday. I was told to just work on it anyway. People should just learn to fucking listen to me. I'm not an idiot. Did I mention, Grrrr... Arg...? Why is it that the only jobs that I’m interested in seem to pay next to nothing? I’m good at a lot of things, but none of them are very profitable. I guess part of it is that I’m sick of whining about my job. On some level I know I have no room to whine. At least I have a job. So what if I’m not happy at work? Most people are not happy at work. That’s why they call it work. If we were all happy with what we do with our lives then we’d be living in Utopia. We’re not. I know that. Life is full of disappointments and I can be the consummate optimist, the hopeful dreamer, as long as I want and chances are that things will still not work out the way I want them to. That’s just a sad fact of life. Doesn’t mean I’m going to quit trying. I’m going to continue to bang my head against the wall and ultimately one of two things will happen. Either my skull will finally crack, and I’ll be brain dead enough to just accept my life as it is, or I will break through the wall. I vote for breaking through the wall. I see the light coming through the cracks in that wall. I know there is some modicum of happiness on the other side. I can almost smell it. Maybe I’m just getting delusional. Oh well. I kind of like my delusions. They keep me going. I have to keep trying. I don’t want to be the brain dead zombie that so many other delusional dreamers have become. I’m not ready to give up that fight just yet…
"Burning desire to be or do something gives us staying power - a reason to get up every morning or to pick ourselves up and start in again after a disappointment" -- Marsha Sinetar
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