Careful What You Wish For

Well, I said I was going to fly solo for awhile and it looks like I got my wish. This really wasn't what I had in mind though. I meant I didn't want to date anyone for awhile. What I got is all of my boys not being around at all :( TNI and S-boy are both out of town for at least the next few weeks and HWMNBN and I are officially "on a break" and therefore not hanging out. It sucks and I'm actually kinda angry with myself for how I feel right now. Since when do I need other people (especially guys) in my life? I've always liked being alone. With the exception of a very select people over the years I actually prefer being alone. Now all of a sudden I find myself very, very lonely and that pisses me off to no end. I'm stronger than this. I have no explanation for this stupid fucking funk that I'm in. I've been like this for awhile now. I was like this before TNI came out here and was like this to some extent even while he was here, but the last couple of weeks have been even worse. Grrrr. Arg. I need to be medicated or something. Things are actually pretty good in my life these days. I love my job. I love being in LA. Even though they aren't around physically right now, I love the men in my life and it's not like they won't be back at some point in the forseeable future. Aside from not having "that guy" in my life right now (and let's face it, I haven't had anything resembling a normal boyfriend-girlfriend kinda relationship in for-fucking-ever, so that's nothing new), my life is pretty peachy. So why the funk? No, really. I need someone to tell me because I can't explain it. I'm totally over-reacting to the state of aloneness I find myself in. Maybe I'm just homesick. I haven't seen my family in going on 6 months now. If that's the case, then Thanksgiving should help. The whole clan is going to be there and we should have a great time. Ok, enough whining for one afternoon. I hate when people do that whole "woe is me" thing, especially those people who have no good reason for doing it. Like me for instance. I'm going to go play some more EQ. I joined a new guild with Ap and they so far seem like a really fun group. Well, at least my virtual alter ego has people to hang out with these days ;) I miss you all! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." -- Orson Welles