A Plague of Puppies

So the fucked up dreams continue. This time I blame the Goldschlager. Check this one out… So I’m walking through Hell (in the total Dante sense of the word) and I’m carrying this big wooden box. All around me are souls being tortured, but I seem to have a purpose and really pay them no attention. As I round a curve, I hear two people call my name. I look up from the path and there are my friends, Jason and Michael. Jason is rolling a stone up a hill only to have it roll back down. He does this repeatedly. This is the punishment of Sisyphus. The difference here is that the stone is covered in EarthLink stickers. Symbolism there? Ummm, yeah. Michael is worse off. As was Prometheus before him, Michael is chained to a rock and vultures are eating his liver. It grows back and the vultures eat again. Can we say, "Ick?" So anyway, they both beg me to set them free and I tell them I’d be glad to, but I had this errand to finish first and hold up the box. Michael asks if it is Pandora’s Box and I say it is.
"Isn’t there enough evil in the world already? Why do you want to make things worse?" he asks.
I tell him that the world has become complacent and needs someone to shake it up. I tell them I’ll be right back. Michael gets snippy and says that’s just like me. I set things in motion and then don’t stick around to take responsibility for my actions. "Fuck you. You must have done something or you wouldn’t be chained to this rock. You deserve this."
"What about me?" Jason asks. "I don’t deserve this fate."
I agree with him. "You’re right. You’re being tested, but you will be free soon. I’ll be back for you. Both. I promise."
"And what is that worth? The promise of a woman?" Michael quips.
"Don’t quote "The Princess Bride" to me. You are not as charming as you think you are." I take my box to the entrance and kneel down and open it. Out pour puppies. Hundreds and thousands of puppies.
Michael and Jason look at each other. Puzzled. "Puppies?" Jason asks.
"That’s your grand plan for world domination? A plague of puppies?" Michael seems pretty amused for a guy having his liver eaten by vultures.
"A little less commentary from the two of you would be just peachy. Do you not remember your Shakespeare? Julius Caesar? "Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!"
"Sweets, those are puppies. Not dogs." Jason tells me, as if I didn’t know. Yeah, yeah, let’s patronize the crazy chick…
"Shut up. Puppies can wreak havoc too! Besides, soon they’ll be dogs and then they’ll rule the world."
"You are fucked in the head." Michael informs me.
I run over to Jason and look at him pleadingly. "Jason, I had to do it. I had to let the puppies go. It was important."
"I know it was." He tells me. "Now, can you help me with this fucking rock?" So Jason and I roll his stone into the River Styx. It almost knocks Charon out of his boat, which would not have been pretty. Then we unchain Michael. "Now, can we please get out of here?" Jason asks.
"What’s the rush?" Michael asks.
I look at him like he’s an idiot. "Ummm. Hello? Hell? Wasn’t planning on sticking around. Besides, those puppies belonged to Cerberus and he’s going to be pissed when he finds out they’re missing. Trust me. The last thing in the world you want is a three-headed dog pissed off at you."
That was when I woke up. WTF? Shakespeare. Mythology. Film references. I have way too much trivia bouncing around in this head of mine…

"Last night I had the strangest dream. I sailed away to China, in a little row boat to find ‘ya, and you said you had to get your laundry cleaned." – Matthew Wilder – "Break in My Stride"