So I didn’t get “Hostage” seen last night. My movie-going stars are just way outta whack this year. No big deal. I’ve got a couple of things I still want to get seen this month, but it really has been a slow quarter for movies so I’m not too far behind. Things should start to pick up in April. If nothing else, we get “Sin City” and “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” Since I have a complete lack of anything else interesting to write about, I guess it’s about time for another of my infamous lists. In the movie “High Fidelity,” John Cusack comes up with a list of his “Top 5 Dream Jobs.” Since I seem to bitch about my current job so much, that seems like a good topic for me to do a list on as well. Keep in mind that the space-time continuum is not a concern here. Want to bet that anything involving working for the corporate machine will not make my list?
13) Empress of Rome – might as well start with a big one. Granted, what with all the assassination attempts and whatnot, the life expectancy of Roman leaders was not what you would call great, but I bet it was fun while it lasted. Et tu Brute?
12) Horse Trainer – this one I probably could have actually done. If I had apprenticed with a good trainer right out of high school instead of heading down the path of a pre-law college student, I’d probably have my own barn to run by now. I really wish I had made the attempt to follow my heart in this case, but I didn’t. Well, if wished were horses…
11) Jewel Thief – I saw “To Catch a Thief” and “How to Steal a Million” too many times. I honestly thought this would be a good career choice for awhile. Then I started thinking about that whole going to jail thing and had to re-evaluate that choice of career path…
10) Pirate – I would have been a hell of a pirate. I’d get to have a sword and wear cool pirate clothes and make people walk the plank. Lots of travel. Good loot. Aside from the raping and the pillaging and the usually getting hung from a yard arm somewhere, I just don’t see a downside to this job. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that there is not a great demand for swashbucklers in today’s working world.
9) Archeologist (or Paleontologist) – This one goes back to having seen too many movies as well. I blame Stephen Spielberg for this. He’s the one who gave me Indiana Jones and “Jurassic Park.” Damn him. Running around the world digging up buried treasure or dinosaurs just seems like a good time to me.
8) Mad Scientist – I want to build a time machine out a DeLorean… my lackluster math skills keep me from achieving this one… ok, there are probably other factors as well…
7) Vampire – ok, so not really a “job.” Still, would be more interesting than what I’m doing now, and if I play my cards right eventually I could end up the head of an evil Los Angeles law firm… A werewolf would be ok too. At least then I could still go out in the daylight from time to time…
6) Novelist – I’m still working on this one. I write when I have a chance. It’s not out of the question for me to still one day end up with a book in print...
5) Knight – I know that there were not a lot of women who got to be knights. It was sorta a guys club. Still, with all that armor on I think I could have run around in disguise and no one would have been the wiser. Jousting would be fun and again, any job that lets me have a sword seems like fun…
4) Photographer – I actually went to school for this one. Not to be immodest, but I’m a damn good photographer. This is another career path I should have started down sooner if I’d really wanted to succeed at it. I’m a little old to be trying to get an intern spot at this point. That whole not getting paid thing just doesn’t work for me at this point in my life. Still, in a perfect world I’d spend my life shooting hockey and wildlife pictures for a living…
3) Casting Director – I’d be good at this. Gimme a script. I can tell you who needs to play what roles. I have no aspirations of being an actor. I’d rather just work with actors and put them in the roles I think they need to be playing. Again, to start out on this path usually involves unpaid internships so I don’t see it happening…
2) Kept Woman – I need to win the lottery or find myself a wealthy benefactor. I’m sure I can find ways to occupy my time. I would not lack for ways to amuse myself if I didn’t have to go to work every day… I could also be the wife/mistress of a criminal mastermind or something in this scenario. "Mrs Luthor" has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
1) Script Writer – if I had my choice of doing anything in the world, this would be it. I want to create a hit TV show or write an Oscar winning screenplay. Seems simple enough, doesn’t it? Now, If I could just finish this fucking script I’m working on and get someone to read it…
So there you have it. The unrealistic desires of my life. Have I mentioned recently that I’m a dreamer? And occasionally delusional?
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." -- Oscar Wilde
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