Little America

I'm in Flagstaff, Arizona at what has become my favorite hotel ever. Fuck the Ritz (where I'm staying tomorrow and Thursday). The Little America Hotel in Flagstaff is the bomb! Lindy and I stayed here a few years ago and fell in love with the place. It's exactly as I remember. If you're ever in Flagstaff (which is a great little town BTW), you MUST stay here... So today was a fairly short day. It only should have been about a 4 hour drive, but mom and I fucked around at a couple of Native American jewelry stores along the way and it ended up taking us like 5 1/2 hours to get here. Still, a short day compared to the marathon driving we did Saturday and yesterday. Tomorrow morning we're swinging by the Grand Canyon and then it's on to LA. My mom had some Ritz Carlton gift certificates she needed to use before they expire in June so we're staying at the Ritz-Huntington for a couple of nights. No reason I should have to sleep on an AeroBed in my little tiny studio when I can hob nob with the wealthy people for a couple days :) My furniture and stuff won't be getting to LA until some time the first week in June so it'll be suitcase living for me for a couple of weeks. No biggie. I'll get by... I have nothing else really to report. I'm still a little freaked out about this whole moving to a new city by myself thing and I'm worried about some stuff going on back in the ATL, but c'est la vie. I should not worry about things I have no control over. It just makes me crazier than normal and stresses me out. Still, I can't help it. My friends are important to me and a couple of them are dealing with things that I wish I could be there to help them through. I know I can't, but that knowledge does not make it any easier. I feel like I left in a hurry and left behind a lot of unresolved issues. I don't know that I can repair the damage that has been done and I certainly can't make the problems just go away, but... well, that's a blog for another day. The closer I get to LA the more confident I become that I made the right decision. I couldn't continue living my life for other people any longer. I was always doing what my family wanted, or my friends wanted, or my lovers wanted and that cycle had to stop. I finally reached the point where I had to do something for me. This move was that something. The leaving was really fucking hard, and I miss some people so much it hurts, but still I know in my soul this was what I had to do. I'm sorry to all the people I hurt in the process. I didn't mean to do it. That was never my intent. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa... Ok, enough heaviness for today. Spiritual journeys and new beginnings are supposed to be happy things and so I choose to be happy. Besides, as I look out the window here, I see snow capped mountains and bright blue skies and it's hard to be anything but happy. I just wish that some of you were here to enjoy the view with me.

"The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live." - Flora Whittemore