Enquiring Minds Want To Know

In Hollywood you’re nobody unless the tabloids are printing rumors about you, so with that in mind, it’s time for one of my lists. I haven’t done one in a long time. I know you’ve all missed them. There are many wild stories out there about why I packed my life up and moved to LA. Let’s quash some of those fallacies, shall we? Here are 13 things that were NOT reasons that I came back to the left coast:

13) I am going to become a professional surfer – as much fun as that life may be, I have not surfed since I was 9. I’m sure my return to surfing will be amusing, but I definitely do not see it as my future career...

12) I have joined a cult – yes, my living situation out here is a bit odd, especially for anti-social me. Getting used to sharing part of my living space with people that are basically total strangers will take an adjustment on my part, but it’s not a cult… I’m still not drinking the Kool-Aid though…

11) I’m stalking Michael Rosenbaum – ummm… I’m not... Really... I swear…

10) This is where the Witness Protection Program relocated me to – Come on. If that were the case do you think they’d still let me post to my blog?

9) I suddenly became allergic to humidity – Ok, so this one is almost true. The thought of spending another summer in the sweltering Atlanta heat definitely did not appeal to me.

8) I want to have sex during an earthquake – while true, it was not one of the major reasons I moved. Those damn seismologists need to get better at predicting those things. Until they do, I’d have to just keep having sex constantly until an earthquake happened and who has time for that? Granted, I don’t have a job yet and need a good way to pass the time…. hmmm… there’s an interesting thought… now all I have to do is find a guy to help me out with this little scientific experiment… or maybe a couple of guys… I could take out an ad in the trades or something…

7) I wanted to see what it was like to have a movie star for a governor – I was not here when Arnold was elected. He is soooo not my fault. I moved here in spite of that…

6) I’m having Viggo Mortensen’s love child – I haven’t met Viggo yet. Gimme a couple of months and I’ll see what I can do…

5) I actually thought I was moving to Norrath – To look out the window, it does vaguely resemble parts of the Thundering Steppes, but I have not totally lost my grip on reality yet. I know it’s just California. Not a Steelhoof Mystic to be seen… I’m a geek. Only my EQ friends will get that one ;)

4) I’ve lost my fucking mind – while this seems to be the most popular theory for my journey, it’s not really a “reason” per se…

3) I’m convinced the aliens can’t find me here – sadly, I’m quite sure the aliens can find me anywhere…

2) I’ve decided to raise oranges – I can barely keep a fucking cactus alive and they require like zero attention. Do you really think anyone would be stupid enough to put me in charge of an entire orange grove with like real trees and stuff in it? Now that’s just silly…

1) I needed a change – ok, so this is the main reason I moved. I needed to do something different with my life and this was it. I’m done trying to justify it. I did what I had to do for my own sanity and happiness. People who don’t get it probably never will, and people who do get it don’t need me to explain it…

This is the best thing I’ve ever done. My advice? Follow your dreams. Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy. Don’t listen to the people who tell you that you can’t do something. Don’t look back and don’t be sorry.

"This is a rumor-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation." -- Johnny Depp