A Little Bit Of Zen

So Tuesday was an odd day. It turned out to be more emotionally draining than it should have been. I had some things I’d been avoiding doing and finally just had to confront the demons and get them done. A friend of mine said to me that "karma is a bitch" and I think she's right. I have a lot of things to atone for these days. It's going to be a long, painful process but I'm finally to the point where I need to at least start that journey. Not fun, but definitely necessary. I've been truly horrible to just about everyone in my life for most of this year. I don't have any excuses. I was in a bad place and I took it out on the people around me. I lashed out at whoever was the closest target and unfortunately that was usually the people I most didn't want to hurt. I don't know that I can fix everything that I broke in the last few months, but I need to at least try. Fuck. I don't know how things got so screwed up. I'm just an idiot. It's truly a wonder I have any friends at all and at this rate I won't have them long. Fuck. Fuck Fuck.... Ok. Enough. I have got to be productive today. I can't get stressed out about things I can't fix right now... So, on a less heavy note, Tuesday was pretty unproductive. All-in-all everyone just seemed to be catching up from the holiday. As a result, there weren’t any new jobs posted which kinda sucked, but I went ahead and picked up applications from a couple of coffee houses and a couple of book stores. I’ll fill them out and turn them in and maybe do one of those things for awhile. Not really what I want to be doing out here, but it’ll pay the bills until I can find something more permanent. I don’t know that me working in a coffee shop, wired on caffeine all day, is the best idea in the world, but it might be fun to see what happens... So yesterday morning I fucked around in town for awhile. I went to Kinko’s and checked email, searched job sites, posted to my blog, the usual. Then I went to Target and the bank and the pet store. I spent like $30 on a dog that isn’t even mine. It’s sad really. I got dog snacks and a dog brush and dog shampoo. Casper went on the hike with us on Monday and he swam through some seriously questionable ponds and ran through what I’m sure was poison oak and so he desperately needed a bath. I don’t know why I bothered. He’s an outdoor dog. He’s just going to get dirty again almost immediately. Still, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a dog to play with so I did it anyway... After Casper’s little spa day I got out my paint pens and basically tattooed my new walking staff. It looks really slick. It has symbols and tribal designs and metallic flames and I’m just really pleased with how it turned out. I need to pick up some polyurethane now so I can waterproof it. I’m such a dork. It was a perfectly functional walking stick as it was, but still I spent like 3 hours decorating it and now just watch, I’ll fall off some ledge or something and snap it in two the first time I go out hiking with it. Oh well. It was still fun to do. I should have spent the afternoon storyboarding the title sequence of my screenplay, but I wasn’t motivated to do that so I drew on my staff instead. I’ll do storyboards this afternoon… So Monday night we screened this great Japanese film. It was called “Take Down” and it was really very well done. It’s about how people prepare for death while at the same time still living what time they have left. Very Zen Buddhist kinda stuff. Amazing cinematography and really top notch acting. It will definitely get shown at Moab next April and I’m sure it will contend for one of the jury prizes there... I also met some really nice people yesterday. One is a pretty well-respected 1st AD around here. He’s been in this business for 20+ years and had a lot of great stories and a lot of good advice. He’s directed some low-budget stuff in the past and might be someone I’d consider working with on my script if I ended up not pitching it to a studio and just trying to get it produced myself. That seems the most likely option. We can shoot it cheap and just the people that were here yesterday could have formed the core of a very solid production team. We had a director, a producer, an editor, and an amazing lighting guy who has also done some work as a DP. For an indie kinda film that’s really all you need to get rolling. Well, you need a cast and makeup and wardrobe and stuff like that, but let’s not get too caught up in the details here :) I at least made some potential contacts that could really help me out down the road. These guys know the ropes. They get movies made. They could prove to be very helpful. Everyone cross your fingers and toes. All I need to do is get one of my scripts put on film and that’ll give me a calling card that will open a lot of doors around here… So the girl that’s currently living in my apartment swears she’ll be out by the end of the day. I hope so. My stuff isn’t here yet, but I at least want to start living in my space. I feel like I’ve been living out of a suitcase forever. I just want to be able to hang my clothes in my closet, ya know? Mostly what I want though is a phone. I hate being this out of touch. I have people that I really need to talk to. Some to clear the air. Some just to hear the sound of their voice. I love it here, but there are some people that I really fucking miss, and I know everything would be much better if I could just pick up a phone and call them.

"Actually, I'm not interested in Zen that much as a philosophy, nor in joining any movements. I don't pretend to understand it. I just find it comforting. And very similar to jazz. Like jazz, you can't explain it to anyone without losing the experience. It's got to be experienced, because it's feeling, not words." -- Bill Evans

Film Review Backlog

There have been a bunch of movies that I’ve seen this year that I never got around to posting reviews on so I figured I’d cover them all in one fell swoop. Most of these will probably be out on DVD soon, so at least this post won’t be totally wasted… Most of these will be short. It’s not that I didn’t like the films; I just lacked the motivation or the time to write about them when I saw them…

“Dear Frankie” – Gerard Butler was great in this quiet little Scottish film. He really is a talented actor that I wish we saw more of. The supporting cast of this film was very good as well. This definitely falls in the low-budget, indie fare category, but still a well-written import that’s worth checking out. The kid who plays Frankie gives a particularly good performance.

“Fever Pitch” – Who knew Jimmy Fallon could act? This was a film that I was pleasantly surprised by. If I had to pick my least favorite film genre it would have to be romantic comedies. Every now and then I find one that I really like (most of those seem to have Hugh Grant or Kevin Kline in them). I don’t think I’ll buy this one on DVD or anything, but I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. I generally like Drew Barrymore and she was really good in this film, but I was totally blown away by Jimmy Fallon. Normally he just annoys the shit out of me. I don’ find him funny and quickly turn the channel if I happen to hit one of his skits on SNL. I have to say I was impressed with him here though. So, this is a good movie to maybe rent, especially if you’re a baseball fan and like the occasional romantic comedy.

“Kung Fu Hustle” – I totally loved this film. It was funny and irreverent and the fight sequences were awesome. It made a lot of film and comic references and was just all around good fun. It was edgy and more violent than I was expecting. Highly recommended to anyone who loves martial arts comedies.

“The Amityville Horror” – This remake of the horror classic was better than the original, but it was still only “ok.” It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t outstanding either. This is a great story with a lot of potential and no one seems able to get it right. It’s worth watching though just to see Ryan Reynolds’ descent into madness (and those six-pack abs of his. Can you say yummy?) Next to Jack in “The Shining” this is one of the great performances in horror. The movie could have really been cheesy and Ryan definitely helped it to not go down that path. This story has always been more about the psychology of madness rather than outright horror. I wish they had cranked up the “creepy factor” instead of just going for the easy gore shots. The movie would have been much more effective if they had.

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” – Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. I’m soooo buying this one on DVD. This movie should have made a lot more money than it did. There are scores of people out there who loved the book and I don’t know why they didn’t line up in droves to see the film. It was very faithful to the original work. The casting was damn near perfect and the special effects were stunning. My only complaint would be that Sam Rockwell was not in it nearly enough. Aside from his extra head being in the wrong place, he epitomized Zaphod Beeblebrox. I can’t imagine anyone else having played this role as well as Sam did. I know this is supposed to be Arthur Dent’s story, but he has always been the least interesting of the characters to me. Ford Prefect (played wonderfully by Mos Def) and Zaphod have always been the heart of this story IMHO and it would have been nice to develop their characters a bit more. Marvin (the cosmically depressed robot) was executed perfectly. He looked exactly as I had always pictured him in my head. Excellent decision to have Alan Rickman voice him. I could sit and listen to Alan talk for hours. He just has one of those voices, ya know? An all around great film.

“Monster-in-Law” – I saw this movie on a day when I was in a really bad place so I admit I did not go into it in the right frame of mind. We also all know I’m not a big Jennifer Lopez fan. So even with two strikes against it going in, I have to admit that it was better than expected. JLo was still annoying and Michael Vartan was wasted. He mostly got to be eye candy (which he’s very good at, but this guy is a good actor too. He should have been given more to work with). Jane Fonda was outstanding though. She was basically playing herself, but still, I thought she was great. I wouldn’t say I loved the movie, but if you happen to catch it on HBO or something you might want to give it a chance. Again, we’re back to my whole not really liking romantic comedies thing, so I’m probably not the best person to ask to give an opinion on this movie. Other people I know who saw it liked it way more than I did.

“Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” – This movie lived up to its hype. I didn’t hate Ep1 or Ep2 like a lot of people did. Were they flawed? Yes. Could they have been better? Of course. Still, they served their purpose and were fun to watch (aside from that little “Sound of Music” scene in Ep2 which is just painful. I don’t know what the fuck George was smoking the day he wrote that scene.) Anyway, all is forgiven with the release of Episode III. This is a great movie. A movie worthy of bearing the “Star Wars” name. Even Hayden Christiansen did a good job. Granted, George cut his dialogue down in this one so he didn’t really have to act all that much. Mostly he just had to brood, which he happens to be damn good at doing. I loved the addition of General Grievous, but I knew from watching “The Clone Wars” cartoon that I would. These prequels have always been about betrayal. We all knew Anakin was going to turn. It was just a question of why and how. The final battle sequence between Anakin and Obi-Wan is incredible. The emotional turmoil that we go through with Obi-Wan is a testament to Ewan MacGregor’s talent. This is really Ewan’s movie and he carries it. We feel his pain as he is forced to cut down his padawan, his brother, his friend. We feel just as betrayed as he does, even though we knew going in that this was going to happen. George Lucas may not be a great writer (his dialogue is often weak), but the man knows how to tell a story. This was the movie fans had been begging for since “Jedi,” and thankfully George finally gave us what we wanted. Now here’s hoping that the TV show fucking rocks and that I know some of the people who are on it :)

“Kingdom of Heaven”- “Gladiator” just came out a few years ago. Who knew we needed a remake so soon? That’s really what this movie felt like it was trying to be. Still, I had sorta expected that going in, so it wasn’t really a surprise. I think if this film had come out before “Gladiator” it would have done better. It’s a very good movie. It’s well written and beautifully shot. The cast is outstanding. The writer even had the good sense to keep Orlando Bloom’s dialogue short. I love Orly, but monologues are not his strong suit. He needs to just stand there and look pretty or he needs to be fighting. It is speeches and those quiet little one-on-one moments that he still seems uncomfortable with at this point in his career, and this film kept those to a minimum. Liam Neeson is not in it nearly long enough, but he definitely has that Qui-Gon mentor thing down to an art now. I’m sure he’ll be just as convincing in “Batman Begins.” I’m fascinated by Crusade history so I really liked this film. It was fairly accurate from an historical standpoint and the battle sequences were shot like only Ridley Scott can shoot them. This film is probably not for everyone. It is violent and bloody. It also has a lot to say on the topic of spirituality versus organized religion and will definitely offend a lot of people with those sensibilities. It has a timely message that still applies to the fucked up world we live in today. It really shows that the world has not changed nearly as much as it thinks it has in the last thousand or so years.

I think that’s it. I don’t have my list handy so I may still have missed a couple of films. If I did, I’ll do another post down the road... I was going to go see the sneak preview of “Cinderella Man” on Sunday night, but it was sold out. The movie was at 7PM and when I went to get my ticket at like noon, it was already sold out. Dammit. I keep forgetting I’m in California now and that people actually care about going to see sneaks and screenings and stuff like that. Well, now I know for next time. I still want to try and get “Unleashed” and “Madagascar” seen sometime this week. Sorta depends on how my week goes. I think my housemates and I are going to see Ep3 tonight. They haven’t seen it yet and I really want to see it again. Charlie said something the other day about getting free IMAX tickets whenever he wants them so maybe we’re going to see it in IMAX. That’d be cool... Then on Wed night I’m going into Hollywood to see the original “Star Wars” at the Arclight Cinema. AFI (American Film Institute) is doing a series this summer on great heroes and villains and Ep4 is the one this week. “The Empire Strikes Back” is next week and I was supposed to go see that with my friend Michael so I don’t know if I’ll get to it now or not. It’s already sold out and he has the tickets so I’m thinking I’m prolly SOL for that one. Oh well. My stuff should be unpacked by then. I’ll just sit home and watch it myself or something. And who knows? Maybe he and I will get our problems resolved by then. One can only hope. I know we’ll get things worked out eventually; it just may take longer than I would like. Boys can be so irrational sometimes :P The thing about this whole stupid fight is that neither of us is really at fault. There is no right or wrong here. It’s hard to have a really good argument and clear the air when there’s nothing to argue about. We’ve both already apologized for the hurtful things that were said during the heat of battle. So now we’re at a stalemate. I know why he’s mad. I can’t change what happened or how I handled it. So at this point he just needs to come to terms with everything and then we can try to start over. That’s really what we need. A new beginning. He admits that. He’s just not there yet. I don’t know that we’ll ever get back to where we were and as I’ve said before, I don’t know that I want to. Our relationship (for lack of a better word) has always been very odd, even by my standards. My only real hope at this point is to at least salvage a new friendship out of the ruins of the old one. We had a good talk on Sunday so at least we’re moving forward. That’s something I guess. The proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” is usually a good thing and I can at least see it now... Can you tell I have a lot of free time these days? My blog posts just keep getting longer and longer. I think I’m going to start allowing comments to my posts again just to see what kinda responses you guys come up with. It’ll be almost like hanging out in the South Tower again I’m sure :) So everyone play nice… Ok well enough blogging for today. I want to get at least the first scene of “F*cked” written so I can feel like I did something productive with my day. I also need to check some job sites for new postings. As much as I like the life of leisure I’m getting to live right now, I know I’ll like it a lot less when the money I have saved up runs out… Once again reality conspires to ruin my life… Sigh…

"Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become your actions. Watch your actions; they become your habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character for it will become your destiny." - Frank Outlaw

A Little Hike

Now here’s something I probably would have realized had I stopped to think about it even for second, but when hardened, long-term canyon dwellers ask you if you want to “go on a little hike,” you might want to at least ask them what their definition of “a little hike” is. Turns out it’s a 2-mile trek down into a canyon and along (and often time through) a river. That’s all fine and good except that then you have to hike the 2 miles back out of the canyon as well. I like hiking. I like to walk around back in the woods. It’s peaceful. It’s fun. Yeah, well that kind of hiking is for East Coast wimps and won’t cut it out here, baby. Fuck the gym. All I have to do is hike down to the river and back once a day and I’ll be in the best fucking shape of my life in no time. A few weeks of this and I’ll be craved out of fucking marble. The StairMaster can’t begin to compare to this. Going down isn’t so bad. It’s the climb back up that’ll kill you. There is something resembling a trail but a lot of it washed out during all the rain they got here last winter. All that water turned the trail into something of an obstacle course you have to traverse. It’s loose rock and sandy inclines and it’s a hell of a workout. It was also a fucking blast. Mainly you have to be on your toes. You have to watch where you’re going and if you get into trouble, don’t panic. And you will get into trouble. I slid down more inclines, tripped over more loose rocks, and slipped on more mossy stones than you can imagine. In this one wash out we found a bunch of bamboo that had washed downstream and I now have the perfect walking stick. (It will also serve as a great bo staff should I ever need to defend myself. Now if I could just find a way to imbue it with… sorry, I totally slipped into EQ2 geek mode for a second. I’m starting to go into withdrawl :) It’s perfectly balanced and I really would have had a bitch of a time getting back out of the canyon if I hadn’t found it. I’m going to paint it with talismans and runes and then water seal it. It really is a great staff. I’m so glad I found it. So anyway, the hike was great. If any of you outdoorsy types ever come to visit me we’ll definitely have to take a little hike while you’re here… Ok I’m going to go eat some dinner, watch this Japanese flick, and then go to bed. My legs already feel like Jell-o. I’m going to sleep like the fucking dead tonight…

"How can you explain that you need to know that the trees are still there, and the hills and the sky? Anyone knows they are. How can you say it is time your pulse responded to another rhythm, the rhythm of the day and the season instead of the hour and the minute? No, you cannot explain. So you walk." ~Author unknown, from New York Times editorial, "The Walk," 25 October 1967

Control Freak

If it weren’t for the need to occasionally go into town to get groceries and stuff, I could probably live here at my new place forever and never have any reason to leave. We have a cappuccino machine in the kitchen and I’m slowly mastering how to use it. So that takes care of my caffeine addiction. We also have a theatre set up in the living room. There is a giant screen with a digital projector that hooks up to the DVD player and the computer and we can just kick back and enjoy our own little screening room, complete with comfy couches and everything. Last night we watched “House of Flying Daggers.” It was almost like watching it in a real movie theatre, except without all the rustling popcorn bags and the annoying people who think it’s alright to talk during movies… Now if I can just get a reliable high speed connection so I can start playing EQ again, life will be good… I also wouldn’t mind having some hot guy(s) drop by from time to time. That would help take care of my exercise needs :) I will say that it does sort of suck that I have like no cell phone reception out here though. It won’t be quite so annoying once I get a land line, but right now I do feel slightly disconnected from the rest of civilization. Usually not a bad thing, but there are a couple of people I would like to be able to get in touch with this afternoon. Unfortunately that requires me to actually leave the grounds and I just don’t feel like going anywhere today… There’s also that whole pesky finding-a-job-thing hanging over me, but it’s Memorial Day so I’m not going to worry about that today… We’re having a party this afternoon, so this morning I learned how to make homemade French bread and somehow I just know I’m going to end up helping cook tonight too. That’s fine. I’m not a bad cook when forced to do it. Some of the people coming over are Japanese producers that have a film they want to present at the Moab Film Festival next year so we’re going to screen that after dinner to determine if it deserves entry. That should be interesting. I’m hoping it’s a good film. I don’t want to have to critique a bad movie when the creative team behind it is sitting right there. That would sort of suck. Welcome to Hollywood though… My OCD complex did come out a little this morning. Most of you have never had to live with me, but if you ever saw Monica on “Friends,” you’ll sorta get the idea. Every now and then I just sort of freak out and have to clean things. Kitchens in particular make me nuts. It’s not so bad when I’m alone, but when other people leave things in the sink (especially when there’s a fully functional, empty dishwasher right next to it) it drives me fucking crazy. I had one of those episodes today. The kitchen now shines like the top of the Chrysler building. The cabinets are organized. I have a feeling that the refrigerator may be next. That’s a project for another day though... Now I’m going to go out and soak up some SoCal sunshine, drink some of this awesome Pinot Grigio that I found, and just enjoy the holiday. Happy Memorial Day to everyone!

“The ebb and flow of the Atlantic tides. The drift of the continents. The very position of the sun along its ecliptic. These, are just a few of the things I control in my world.” – Viggo Mortnesen – “G.I. Jane”

Enquiring Minds Want To Know

In Hollywood you’re nobody unless the tabloids are printing rumors about you, so with that in mind, it’s time for one of my lists. I haven’t done one in a long time. I know you’ve all missed them. There are many wild stories out there about why I packed my life up and moved to LA. Let’s quash some of those fallacies, shall we? Here are 13 things that were NOT reasons that I came back to the left coast:

13) I am going to become a professional surfer – as much fun as that life may be, I have not surfed since I was 9. I’m sure my return to surfing will be amusing, but I definitely do not see it as my future career...

12) I have joined a cult – yes, my living situation out here is a bit odd, especially for anti-social me. Getting used to sharing part of my living space with people that are basically total strangers will take an adjustment on my part, but it’s not a cult… I’m still not drinking the Kool-Aid though…

11) I’m stalking Michael Rosenbaum – ummm… I’m not... Really... I swear…

10) This is where the Witness Protection Program relocated me to – Come on. If that were the case do you think they’d still let me post to my blog?

9) I suddenly became allergic to humidity – Ok, so this one is almost true. The thought of spending another summer in the sweltering Atlanta heat definitely did not appeal to me.

8) I want to have sex during an earthquake – while true, it was not one of the major reasons I moved. Those damn seismologists need to get better at predicting those things. Until they do, I’d have to just keep having sex constantly until an earthquake happened and who has time for that? Granted, I don’t have a job yet and need a good way to pass the time…. hmmm… there’s an interesting thought… now all I have to do is find a guy to help me out with this little scientific experiment… or maybe a couple of guys… I could take out an ad in the trades or something…

7) I wanted to see what it was like to have a movie star for a governor – I was not here when Arnold was elected. He is soooo not my fault. I moved here in spite of that…

6) I’m having Viggo Mortensen’s love child – I haven’t met Viggo yet. Gimme a couple of months and I’ll see what I can do…

5) I actually thought I was moving to Norrath – To look out the window, it does vaguely resemble parts of the Thundering Steppes, but I have not totally lost my grip on reality yet. I know it’s just California. Not a Steelhoof Mystic to be seen… I’m a geek. Only my EQ friends will get that one ;)

4) I’ve lost my fucking mind – while this seems to be the most popular theory for my journey, it’s not really a “reason” per se…

3) I’m convinced the aliens can’t find me here – sadly, I’m quite sure the aliens can find me anywhere…

2) I’ve decided to raise oranges – I can barely keep a fucking cactus alive and they require like zero attention. Do you really think anyone would be stupid enough to put me in charge of an entire orange grove with like real trees and stuff in it? Now that’s just silly…

1) I needed a change – ok, so this is the main reason I moved. I needed to do something different with my life and this was it. I’m done trying to justify it. I did what I had to do for my own sanity and happiness. People who don’t get it probably never will, and people who do get it don’t need me to explain it…

This is the best thing I’ve ever done. My advice? Follow your dreams. Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy. Don’t listen to the people who tell you that you can’t do something. Don’t look back and don’t be sorry.

"This is a rumor-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation." -- Johnny Depp

A Different Drummer

Have I mentioned recently how much I love California? I had a really great day today. I slept in and then I got up and ran some errands. On my way down into the valley I drove past this guy who had set his drum kit up on an outcropping of rock and was just banging away. The whole canyon echoed with it. I guess it’s a good thing that he was at least a pretty good drummer. Well, to each his own. Just another one of the weird fucking assortment of people that I have chosen to live out here on the West Coast with. I found the grocery store and the movie theatre so at least I know I won’t starve and I’m not at a total loss for entertainment up here in no man’s land. I’m going to try and go see the sneak of “Cinderella Man” tomorrow night. I’ve heard great things about it. So anyway, I came back from the store, fixed lunch, got out the laptop and sat out on the back patio for a couple of hours working on the outline for my screenplay that I’m about to start working on. I figured this time around I’d at least try and start with some vague idea of what this script was going to be about before I just launched blindly into it. Well, whaddya know? I discovered that the story actually has a beginning, a middle, and an end, which is something of an accomplishment for me. Usually I know how I want the story to start and how I want it to end, but not a fucking clue on how to get there. Now all I have to do is write the dialogue and set the scenes and then I’ll actually have a rough draft of a script. I should be able to do that in a couple of weeks if I really focus on getting it done. Holy shit! I may actually accomplish something. Will wonders never cease? The working title of the project is, “F*cked” and the nutshell version is that it’s about betrayal, murder, and revenge. You know, all the fun stuff in life :) I even have a pretty good idea of who I’d cast in it given my choice of actors. I can shoot it cheap too. No big special effects, no really expensive settings. Just gimme a mil or two and I could have this thing ready for Sundance next year :) I’m not ambitious at all, am I? There is something about LA, baby. It just makes you want to create something. To get your idea together and do whatever it takes to put it on film. I definitely love that feeling. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this jazzed about something I was working on. Did I mention that I got to sit outside all afternoon and work on it? It’s sunny and about 70 degrees up here in the hills. I need to take some pics and post them on my website so everyone can see my new home. The birds are singing and there’s a nice breeze blowing and it’s just a beautiful SoCal kinda day. I have a German Shepherd lying at my feet and life is good. His name is Casper and he’s a huge fucking dog, but he’s super sweet. There’s something about having a dog around to keep you company that just makes everything seem better. I have a little balcony off of my apartment where I’ll be able to sit and write once I get moved in. I need to get some wind chimes or something to hang up out there too. So things are good here. I still miss everyone back in the ATL, but days like today make things a hell of a lot easier.

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." -- Henry David Thoreau

On My Own

Ok so I don’t know when I’ll have a chance to actually post this, but I guess I’ll at least keep writing daily blogs until I get my phone line and will put them up when I have access again… Today was my mom’s last day here in LA. She had some meetings to go to in Thousand Oaks this morning so I dropped her off and then just bummed around TO for a couple of hours. Got the oil changed in the Pony. Drank some coffee. Hung out at Borders. That kinda stuff. (On a side note, all along the 101 freeway are these copper bells that denote historical sites in the area. They look just like the Mariner’s Bells in EQ2. I’m soooo missing my Norathian friends. I need to get back online and soon!) After her meetings we went to the Getty Museum and spent several hours browsing though the galleries there. It’s a pretty amazing place. It’s actually very tranquil and calming. It’s also free, which is mind-boggling to me. I can see myself going there on a regular basis. They have an impressive collection of art. A lot of it is artists that I’m not into (particularly Renaissance Italian and French painters), but it’s a great collection nonetheless. They do have some beautiful Monets (my favorite of the Impressionists) and Van Gogh’s “Irises.” It’s definitely worth checking out if you’re ever in LA. After the Getty I took Mom to the airport and then spent over an hour practicing my new hobby (i.e. sitting in LA traffic)... I finally made it home and am now camped out in my temporary apartment. I’m ready for it to be June 1 so I can get moved into my real apartment and can really start to get settled. It was weird taking my mom to the airport and thinking that she was going home to ATL and I was staying here in California. I’ve never lived this far away from my family before. When I move out of my comfort zone, I move WAY the fuck out of my comfort zone, don’t I? I’ve always been sort of a loner, but not having anyone out here at all is a little disconcerting. I think I really fucked things up with my friend Michael out here, I miss having Jason to talk to, and it’s bizarre not to see Lindy every day, especially since I left on sort of a bad note. There are bridges that I need to mend and I’m discovering that’s hard to do from 3000 miles away. Let’s not go down that road tonight though. I’m over-tired and tend to get too morose and cynical when I’m in that state. Things will be better tomorrow. I just need to sleep… Tomorrow I need to go in to Santa Clarita and buy a lamp and some other necessities like that. I’m also going to try and find a Kinko’s so I can at least check my email and surf some job sites. Maybe I can also burn my blog posts to a disk and post them that way. We’ll see… I’m really living out in the middle of nowhere. You’d never know that just over the mountain outside my window is a city of like 9 million people… and it’s great. I like being within driving distance of the real world but not actually having to live there. It’ll be even better once I get my horse out here. I’ll be able to ride for miles without seeing anyone else. Of course there are coyotes and mountain lions and rattlesnakes to contend with, but that’s the price I pay for living in this “Fortress of Solitude” that is Canyon Country. I may get sick of the commute eventually and move into the city, but for now at least, this is where I need to be. I need the peace and serenity that this place offers me. Right now I can hear crickets and see stars and I heard a coyote howling a little while ago. I can feel the stress just slipping away. I’m sure it will all come back once I get a job and have to go back to working like a normal human being, but still it will be good to come home to this place where it’s quiet and I have dogs to play with and don’t have to listen to sirens in the streets or the neighbors above me arguing in the middle of the night. I can write or read or do whatever the fuck I want and that’s a good thing… Alright. Enough for tonight. I really do need to get some sleep. I bought the first season of “Scrubs” on DVD so I think I’m going to watch an ep of that and then call it a night.

"I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind" -- Albert Einstein

Drinking With Mom

I hadn't posted one of my infamous lists in awhile and was all set to post one tonight, I even had a pretty good one in mind to do, but it'll keep. Today ended up just being too busy in it's own right not to post about. The morning started out kinda crappy. I was worried about one friend of mine and annoyed with another. I have one fairly good guy friend out here and he's been in NYC all week. He's supposed to be back in LA on Friday night, but apparently he's mad at me right now (for something I didn't do BTW if you're reading this) so my plans for the weekend took a hit. Maybe he'll get off his high horse and we'll still get a chance to spend some time together on Sunday. We'll see... So anyhoo, not a great morning, but the rest of the day ended up being just peachy (or should that be orangey now that I'm out of Georgia and back in Cali?). I went and got my hair cut (finally!) at the salon here. Let me tell you, it's true when they say everyone in this town is in "the business." The talk the whole time I was there was about box office grosses and what premieres are coming up in the next few weeks and who just signed new deals with new agents or new studios or whatever. It was great! I love this town. Jason Lee's girlfriend was sitting next to me. She was nice. They had gone to the "Lords of Dogtown" premiere the other night and she said she really liked it. That's good. I'm looking forward to that one. So after my haircut (which looks fabulous BTW - damn, I'm turning so fucking Hollywood already, aren't I?), mom and I drove up north of the city so she could see my new place. (Techincally I hadn't seen my new place either since I ended up taking the apartment above the one that I had originally planned to rent.) I'm glad I took the bigger studio. It's a funky space and very me. It also has a lot more room and a bunch of windows with a great view of the valley and mountains that are now my backyard. I can't wait to get my stuff and get moved in. So we hung out with my landlord Charlie for a bit and I pitched him the basic idea of the script I'm going to start working on this weekend. He said once I get a rough draft done he'll take a look at it and help me come up with a treatment and a ballpark budget and stuff. It was a produtive afternoon in that respect. I'm really psyched about this new story and should be able to crank out a draft pretty quick. After surveying my new abode, mom and I came back to the hotel and started drinking. Actually, she did most of the drinking. She started with champange in the hospitality room and then switched to margaritas when we went down to hang out by the pool. I had one pina colada. Let me tell you, drinking with my mom is an experience. I now know where I get my basically non-existant tolereance for alcohol. She was really funny. I finally had to cut her off. She then decided she wanted to go into Pasadena to shop and go to dinner. So we did. She was still pretty wired and we had a great time (and I got some awesome clothes out of the deal too). So all-in-all it turned out to be a good day. This may be my last post for a bit. I don't know when I'll have an internet connection again. It may be a week or so before I have a phone line. I should be able to check email from elsewhere but I don't think I'll have a chance to blog again until I have my own connection :( So in the meantime, everyone be happy and I'll catch ya' on the flip side...

"I've seen way too many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning." -- Jason Lee - "Dogma"

Celebrity Watch

So I'm hobnobbing with the elite here at the Ritz-Huntington... sorta anyway. Jason Lee is here. He's scruffy but HOT! Barry Levinson ate dinner at the table next to me. If you're impressed by directors like I am, that's a big deal. Then there is Mickey Rourke. He is scary enough onscreen. He was never anyone I aspired to meet in person and he was definitely not someone I wanted to see in a bathing suit or have flirt with me. He seems like a nice enough guy, but if you think he's scary in the movies, you should see him in person. He doesn't look human. I think he may be mostly made out of plastic now. Actors. Can't live with 'em. Can't shoot 'em... (Which reminds me, I came up with a great fucking screenplay idea on the drive today. ) I also had a very charming boy of about 8 flirting with me and bringing me flowers while i was at dinner, but that's a whole different story. This is a fucked up kinda town. Even the kids are weird. My life has become very odd. Still, it's nice to finally be in LA and be done with the drive. We were greeted by a typical smog heavy day, but even so, the weather was great. Sunny and in the mid-70s. I can get used to this... The drive was basically uneventful. I got pulled over for speeding again just outside the entrance to the Grand Canyon, but I kinda argued my way out of it. I was legitimately in the process of slowing down when he clocked me. I explained this to the nice officer and he saw that he had made an error in judgement and let me off with a warning. Maybe he just thought I was cute and wanted to hit on the chick in the cool Mustang :) Whatever his motivation, I managed to avoid getting another ticket so woo and hoo. We checked out the big hole in the ground (aka The Grand Canyon) and then made our way to LA. The speed limit is like 75 the whole way so we made good time and arrived unscathed... Tomorrow I'm going to continue to pretned I have $$ and am getting my hair cut here at the salon at the Ritz. I'm then going to sit in front of my computer for a couple of hours and apply for every job I can fucking find. Then maybe I'll let Mickey take me to lunch... j/k :)

"They didn't act like people and they didn't act like actors. It's hard to explain. They acted more like they knew they were celebrities and all. I mean they were good, but they were too good." -- J. D. Salinger

Little America

I'm in Flagstaff, Arizona at what has become my favorite hotel ever. Fuck the Ritz (where I'm staying tomorrow and Thursday). The Little America Hotel in Flagstaff is the bomb! Lindy and I stayed here a few years ago and fell in love with the place. It's exactly as I remember. If you're ever in Flagstaff (which is a great little town BTW), you MUST stay here... So today was a fairly short day. It only should have been about a 4 hour drive, but mom and I fucked around at a couple of Native American jewelry stores along the way and it ended up taking us like 5 1/2 hours to get here. Still, a short day compared to the marathon driving we did Saturday and yesterday. Tomorrow morning we're swinging by the Grand Canyon and then it's on to LA. My mom had some Ritz Carlton gift certificates she needed to use before they expire in June so we're staying at the Ritz-Huntington for a couple of nights. No reason I should have to sleep on an AeroBed in my little tiny studio when I can hob nob with the wealthy people for a couple days :) My furniture and stuff won't be getting to LA until some time the first week in June so it'll be suitcase living for me for a couple of weeks. No biggie. I'll get by... I have nothing else really to report. I'm still a little freaked out about this whole moving to a new city by myself thing and I'm worried about some stuff going on back in the ATL, but c'est la vie. I should not worry about things I have no control over. It just makes me crazier than normal and stresses me out. Still, I can't help it. My friends are important to me and a couple of them are dealing with things that I wish I could be there to help them through. I know I can't, but that knowledge does not make it any easier. I feel like I left in a hurry and left behind a lot of unresolved issues. I don't know that I can repair the damage that has been done and I certainly can't make the problems just go away, but... well, that's a blog for another day. The closer I get to LA the more confident I become that I made the right decision. I couldn't continue living my life for other people any longer. I was always doing what my family wanted, or my friends wanted, or my lovers wanted and that cycle had to stop. I finally reached the point where I had to do something for me. This move was that something. The leaving was really fucking hard, and I miss some people so much it hurts, but still I know in my soul this was what I had to do. I'm sorry to all the people I hurt in the process. I didn't mean to do it. That was never my intent. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa... Ok, enough heaviness for today. Spiritual journeys and new beginnings are supposed to be happy things and so I choose to be happy. Besides, as I look out the window here, I see snow capped mountains and bright blue skies and it's hard to be anything but happy. I just wish that some of you were here to enjoy the view with me.

"The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live." - Flora Whittemore

Tilting At Windmills

Missouri. Oklahoma. Texas. New Mexico. All states I was in at some point today. It made for another long fucking day. I'm now in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Not a lot to report. We passed these giant turbine windmills somewhere outside of Amarillo. They are really fucking cool. Very surreal. The drive has been fairly uneventful. The most disturbing thing so far was to discover that my mom knows the words to "One Toke Over The Line." Things you learn from your iPod while on the road... Well, there was also that little speeding ticket incident in Tennessee on Saturday but that was like days ago. I've practically forgotten about. Unfortunately the state of Tennessee probably has not. Tomorrow will be a shorter day. We're only going as far as Flagstaff, Arizona. We're going to stay at this really awesome hotel there that Lindy and I found when we made this journey a few years back. Also, my mom has never seen the Grand Canyon so we're going to swing by and check out the big hole in the ground. So anyway, just wanted to check in. More tomorrow I'm sure. Miss you all. Thanks for all the emails from the ATL!

"In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd." - Cervantes - "Don Quixote"

Revenge Of The 5 Year Olds

So Saturday was a long fucking day. It took us nearly 14 hours to get from Atlanta to Joplin. The Mustang ran great, and it wasn't a bad drive, it just took forever. We arrived safely though and it's always great to see my sister and her family. My nephew Bennett turns 5 on the 23rd so one of his birthday parties was today. There was a lot of sugar pumped into a lot of little kids and you can just imagine what the end result of that was. Still, everyone had a lot of fun. I quickly became the reigning expert on all things "Star Wars" and felt a bit like Yoda by the time it was all over. Everyone's favorite question seemed to be, "Cause why?" and I was the one they kept asking it of. Well, they are now all up on their "Star Wars" lore and I feel the torch can safely be passed onto the next generation of "Star Wars" fans. I also spent a large part of the evening affixing stickers to Bennett's new ARC-170 Republic Fighter. It's a very cool ship, but it's assembly was much more involved than the X-Wing I had as a kid. All-in-all it was a good day. I'm already missing some of my people back in Atlanta, and I really miss my horse, but it feels liberating to finally be heading West. Well, it's a long drive tomorrow so I should get some sleep. I'll try and post again tomorrow night but who knows if I'll be able to get online in Middle Of Nowhere, New Mexico.

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must." - Ewan McGregor - "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith"

Almost No Regrets

So this will be my last post as a resident of the ATL. At 6AM tomorrow I'm hitting the road and I don't plan to look back. It was a crazy fucking week. There was some really good, some really bad, and a whole lot of in between. There were friends I didn't see enough of, and friends I didn't see at all even though I swore I would. I'm sorry for everything that fell through the cracks. I sit here now in a mostly empty apartment and try not to feel sad. I do not regret this move. I've wanted to do this for a long time. I regret the things I am leaving unresolved here. I get very upset when I think about the people I'm leaving behind so I just don't think about it. That is easily the hardest part of this whole fucking transition, but I know that everything will work out in the end. I'm the eternal optimist and so I choose to believe that :) I'm not a bad person. My intent has never been to hurt anyone. I'm just in a very odd place in my life right now and for some reason it is something I feel I need to go through alone. I am not trying to sever any ties here. My friends are important to me, but I can't explain to myself why exactly I'm behaving like I am these days and I know for damn sure I can't explain it to anyone else. So I have given up trying. I have been very unhappy for awhile now and I need some distance from Atlanta to try and straighten my thoughts and feelings out. This post is not worthy of the ending it is meant to symbolize. It falls short of a lot of things that I want to say. I just don't have the wherewithall to articulate them right now. Maybe once I'm out West and the sun has really started to bake my brain, I will be able to express what I really want to say here. Maybe not. Maybe I really am moving into a cult and by this time next week I'll be good and brainwashed :) I think as long as I avoid the Kool-Aid everything will be just fine...

"I do not regret the things I did, but those I did not do." -- Rory Cochrane - "Empire Records"

A Most Rare Vision

So it’s D-Day. The end of an era. I can’t believe this is my last day here at work. It’s been an interesting journey. A lot of the time (especially in the beginning) it was really good. There was a reason my life led me to this job and made me stay as long as I did. Now it has a reason for making me leave. I don’t know exactly what that reason is, but I intend to enjoy finding out… I had always expected that when today finally got here it would go by in something of a blur. However, I didn’t plan on being fairly hung over on my last day at work. I went out to dinner with a friend of mine last night. We ate too much and drank too much and just had a really great time. I even ponied up and consumed a glass of Johnnie Walker Blue. I’m not a Scotch drinker so it was probably wasted on me, but even I could tell that that was some damn fine Scotch. It also totally fucked me up. Fortunately my friend was much less intoxicated than I was so he drove and after a brief detour to Kroger for ice cream, we made it home alive ("so you said that only proves that i'm insane"). I think everything would have been fine if the evening had stopped there, but we got back to my place and made the somewhat rash decision to keep drinking. I was kidding in my blog post yesterday when I said that I “partied like a rock star” on Wednesday night. Last night was another story entirely. I have not had that much to eat or that much to drink in a really long fucking time. I honestly don’t remember portions of the evening that clearly and the parts I do remember are not very coherent or logical. I vaguely recall playing EQ for a bit and dying a lot. My coordination skills were way the fuck off and my poor little mystic paid the ultimate price on a couple of occasions :) At one point I was fairly convinced that there was a naked Indian running through my living room. Weird visions. Strange dreams. It was one of those kinds of evenings. It was a lot of fun but I’m paying the price for it today. Even so, I wouldn’t change a second of it. Sometimes you need to have a night like that simply so you’ll have a story to tell later… Happy Friday all! I promise to keep up this blog once I get out to LA. I plan on having lots more stories to tell :)

“I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say what dream it was..." -- William Shakespeare - "A Midsummer Night's Dream" - Act 4 Scene 1

Little Pink Houses

Thanks to somone mentioning it to me this morning, I can't get that damn song out of my head today. I guess it could be worse. It could be "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go..." So what I really wanted to do today was to continue to rant about men, but for once I seem to be ranted out on that particular topic. I’m sure there are a million other things I could say, but they just aren’t coming to mind right now. It has been a fucked up few days. I’d like to blame all the weirdness on a guy, but I can’t. Not really. I mean yeah, all that bullshit definitely contributed to the weird state of flux my brain seems to be in now, but that’s just part of it. It’s my last week at a job that I’ve been at for 6 years. As much as I hate it, it will be weird not to come here every day anymore. I’m starting to get a little nervous about my lack of employment in LA. I’m sure I’ll find some way to support myself out there, but if I think about it too hard, it is a bit scary to be heading out there without any sort of security. Sure, I have some money saved up, but I know LA. It can suck its way through funds pretty quickly. Mostly I have no regrets about leaving Atlanta. Aside from family, there are probably less than ½ a dozen people in this town that will even miss me, and to be perfectly honest, there aren’t that many that I’ll miss either. There are a few people that are stuck with me forever whether they like it or not (and you know who you are), but in the long run most of the current friends/acquaintances that I have will eventually just fade away. Sure, we’ll all try and keep in touch in the beginning, but ultimately we’ll fall out of each other’s lives and just become footnotes in our respective autobiographies. Out of sight. Out of mind. Sad but true. I’m not trying to sound cynical. It’s just how things are. This post seems much heavier than I had intended for it to be so I'm going to shut it off now before it takes a turn for the worse... I’m just tired. And stressed. And horny. And bored. And unmotivated to be at work. Did I mention tired? I must have partied too hard last night. Yeah, that must be it. I’ve got to learn that I’m getting too old to party like a rock star on a Wednesday night. :)

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katherine Hepburn

Signpost Up Ahead

Let’s just pretend yesterday didn’t happen. It was just some sort of fucked up “Twilight Zone” episode. I finally had a somewhat rational conversation (or what passes for rational after 2 chocolate martinis) with this guy friend of mine. We worked things out and are just going to chalk it up to neither of us really knowing the other as well as we thought we did. We’re going to go back to just being friends and I’m totally ok with that. Don’t get me wrong, the sex was earth-movingly great, but it was still just sex and I would have been very sad if it had ended up costing us our friendship. I like having this guy in my life. I’m glad I didn’t end up losing him over something stupid like this… On an odd side note, I'm really horny today. I guess it's a residual effect from all the adrenelin yesterday. Is it weird that craziness turns me on like this? :) It is just sort of par for the course for me right now though. My life has gotten very odd. My friends try and warn me of the cliffs they see me running towards and yet I still continue to plunge blindly off of them from time to time. You’d think I would have learned to watch where I was going by now, but so far that just hasn’t happened. Besides, where’s the fun in that? I kinda like living my life on the edge of this abyss. I don't know how to live any other way and even if I did, I don't know that I would change. It makes things more interesting. I have a lot of bumps and bruises and broken bones to show for it, but what’s life without a few battle scars? The occasional knife through the heart comes with the territory. Just pull it out, stitch me up, and let me get back out there before I miss something important. I do not plan to be one of those people who goes gentle into that good night. Life is too fucking short to play it safe. I want to know I've lived. Taken chances. Risked everything in the pursuit of my passions and dreams. Carpe Diem, baby...

"If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?" -- T.S. Eliot

Get Out The Voodoo Dolls

I haven’t done a double post day in awhile, so today must be special. I need to rant about a guy for a sec. (I haven’t seriously done that in awhile either so it’s a banner fucking day all around.) I’m sorta in a quandary here. This guy who has caused me all this grief this weekend has really been annoying me today. He now seems to be of the opinion that just because he is getting back together with his ex doesn’t mean our relationship has to change. (i.e he thinks that I should continue fucking him on the side.) We just need to be (in his words) "a little more discreet." My answer to that? “Fuck you.” I am not playing “the other woman” with this one. I admit that in the past I’ve been willing to do that and in certain situations I’d still be willing to consider that option. Not this time. He gets me as a friend or he gets me as a lover or he gets me not at all. I’m not going to share him with his ex. I’m guessing it has something to do with my rather cavalier attitude toward sex that made him even bring it up. I’ve made comments like, “If there isn’t at least a ring involved, there’s no such thing as a monogamous relationship,” and its things like that that seem to get me into trouble. Somebody just shoot me. It would make my life easier. He mentioned to me that he expected me to “kick his ass” in my blog and originally I had no intention of going into this, but he has spent a large portion of the last 2 days texting and emailing and calling and it’s pissing me off so now he gets his blog post about it. Maybe I need to stop fucking guys as soon as I fall for them. I should try dating them and then fucking them like a normal human being. But honestly, that’s not me. I’m not as casual about sex as this blog would probably lead most of you to believe. I don’t give myself up that easily. I have to really be attracted to someone to get into bed with them. I’m the easiest girl in the world if I like a guy, but if I don’t then I don’t. A guy can hit on me as much as he wants, or have more money than Midas, or look like Brad Pitt, but if I don’t react to him on some sort of elemental level then it’s not going to happen. Unfortunately a lot of the guys I do fall for tend to be bad for me. That’s how I keep ending up in situations like this. The sad part is I really liked this one. A lot. He really is a good guy. He’s funny. I didn’t want things to end up like this. My relationship with him is bizarre enough as it is. I’m not going to exacerbate things by helping him cheat on his girlfriend. Maybe it will cost me his friendship. Maybe it won’t (and I hope it doesn’t), but I’m putting my foot down this time. We’ll see what happens.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants a woman, as the most dangerous plaything." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Beware of Scorpions

I really don't have much to say today so here's a poem. I wrote this one quite a long while ago, but I still like it and had never posted it, so here ya go...

Scorpion in the Sand

Both women ignore the excited babble that The Child
dumps in clumps at their feet.
The Child, between the two, jumps happily
Up
and
Down.
Such is the fate of children.
He is nearly invisible beyond the profound bellies.
The women barely notice that he is there.
One of them is his mother,
but it could be either one.
In their ignorance, it makes no difference at all.
Because, for the moment, they are too far
out of reach
to notice.
Both women are talking at once.
In their lightning voices and sparkling eyes
a routine is visible.
They lie in the sun like fattened animals;
massive lumps of flesh.
The greasy drops of sweat upon their brows
are disregarded as casually as The Boy,
Who has given up his vain cry
and now plays happily
with a scorpion in the sand.
Such is the fate of children.

In The Beginning There Was The End

Well, I was right. Sunday sucked. I mean really fucking sucked. I’m not going to get into the gory details, but suffice it to say that my theory that when it comes to my personal life I am not destined to live happily ever after has been re-justified. It’s not fair and I’m not happy about it, but I can’t claim to be surprised. Guess this was just the yin to the yang that has been the rest of my life lately. I mainly just wanted to thank my friends who put up with my little breakdown yesterday. I was already in an emotional state and so I way overreacted. It’s not like this was a “real” relationship that I lost. This guy and I were not dating. I’m just sad about the loss of potential. I was really starting to think that maybe this relationship did have a future. Apparently I was wrong. Obla Dee Obla Da. I promise to be happier today. No more tears or craziness.

“Where are all the good men dead? In the heart or in the head?” – Minnie Driver – “Grosse Pointe Blank”

Attack Of The Bald Waiters

Well, it’s been another fucked up kinda weekend and I still have to get through Sunday. That does not bode well… Still, on the bright side I only have to get through five more days at work and then I’m free. Forever. As an added bonus, my boss is going on vacation on Wednesday so I only have to survive two more days with her. Yippee Skippee. What else to report? It was Derby Day and I spent much of the afternoon at Lindy’s parents’ house for their annual Kentucky Derby party. None of my horses came anywhere close to winning, but I had done no research into any of them before the race, so that’s not really surprising. I sorta flipped out on the way home though. I had to tell my, “I’m moving to California without a job” story to like 800 different people and I guess it finally sunk in that I’m leaving. I’m actually packing up my life and leaving. My apartment is getting packed up (albeit slowly). I’ve hired movers. I’ve got a temporary home worked out for my horse. Everything is falling into place just like I had hoped and I’m freaked the fuck out. I know this is what's best for me. I know this is the right thing to do. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still scared out of my fucking mind. I have people that I’ve come to rely on and it will be hard not having them around all the time. I know they will always be just a phone call or an email away, but that doesn’t mean I will miss them any less. Guess I was just do for a flip out and today was the day… On a totally unrelated topic, let’s talk about the bald waiters. They’re stalking me. Ask Lindy, she was witness to this bizarre phenomenon while we were in Vegas. Every fucking waiter we had was bald. I admit to having something of a Lex Luthor complex these days so it quickly became a running joke. It finally got to the point that it wasn’t funny anymore. It was just disturbing. The trend continued when I got back to Atlanta. It hasn’t been every one, but still the vast majority of waiters I’ve encountered have been of the bald persuasion. They need to stop. They’re almost as bad as the black helicopters now :)

"Time himself is bald, and therefore to the world's end will have bald followers." -- William Shakespeare - "Comedy of Errors" - Act II Scene ii

No Rest For The Wicked

Aren't weekends supposed to be restful? Didn't I read that somewhere once? Well, I'm here to tell you that's a fucking lie. Don't believe it. I had the longest short weekend ever. Saturday in particular kinda stressed me out. I helped a good friend of mine move and while I didn't mind doing that, it was everything else on top of that which made it such a long fucking day. It rained. Traffic sucked. I didn't sleep well on Friday night, so I was already tired and grumpy and I spent a large portion of the day arguing on the phone with another friend of mine. That didn't improve my mood. Ok, so we weren't really "arguing," but we were definitely involved in what could be considered "heated discussion." Everything is peachy now, but despite the fact that I'm pretty open when it comes to this blog, I don't like discussing my feelings with anyone, especially a male someone that I'm kinda into. I'm a good writer. I'm much less articulate when forced to go one on one. Call me a cynic or call me a realist but relationships aren't my thing. I'd kind of sworn off of them. I can get a little crazy sometimes and in turn that tends to make the men in my life crazy as well. That can't be a good thing, right? I know I'm difficult to live with and I get bored with people pretty quickly. Maybe I'm just a commitmentphobe. Still, I really like this guy. He makes me laugh. I'm happy when I'm with him and for some odd reason he genuinely seems to like me. Go figure. I've gotten to the point that in the back of my head I keep thinking, "Well, maybe this time..." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck... When did my life get so fucking weird? I have to admit, things have definitely not been boring the last couple of months. I'm kinda curious to see what happens next...

"Love isn't about playing it safe. It's about risks. Unless you're willing to put yourself out there, you'll never know." -- Michael Rosenbaum - "Smallville"

On a sidenote. Here's my horoscope for today:

The stars have assembled a lovely planetary package for you -- the kind that makes for passion, romance and permanence. You may not be able to share the news with anyone just yet, however, due to either your current situation or theirs. But you really won't mind. Feeling this good doesn't happen often, and you won't want to jeopardize it, but you should at least think about talking it over with a friend. At times like this, there's nothing more valuable than an objective viewpoint

You've got to be freakin' kidding me. My horoscopes are usually not that freakily accurate...

What Light Is Light?

One of my best friends is up in NYC auditioning for Shakespeare in the Park. I don’t want to wish him “good luck” ‘cause that would be bad, so instead I’ll do a mental appeasement dance to the theatre gods in the hopes that his audition goes well. I’ll be very sad not to have him around to talk to all the time, but NY is where he needs to be. His destiny lies there just as mine seems to lie in LA right now. Hopefully some day our journeys will bring us back to the same town again, but for now our lives seem to have chosen to take different paths. It doesn’t matter really. We will remain extraordinary friends regardless of geography. Everything will work out for him. I just know it. We are both destined for great things. I can just sense it. Here’s hoping this is the start for him as well as for me… In honor of his audition, here’s one of Valentine’s monologues for your reading enjoyment:

“And why not death rather than living torment?
To die is to be banish'd from myself;
And Silvia is myself: banish'd from her
Is self from self: a deadly banishment!
What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
Unless it be to think that she is by
And feed upon the shadow of perfection
Except I be by Silvia in the night,
There is no music in the nightingale;
Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
There is no day for me to look upon;
She is my essence, and I leave to be,
If I be not by her fair influence
Foster'd, illumined, cherish'd, kept alive.
I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom:
Tarry I here, I but attend on death:
But, fly I hence, I fly away from life.”

-- William Shakespeare - "Two Gentleman of Verona" - Act iii. Sc. 1

My Little Pony

Ok. I know. I know. I know. It’s been over a week since my last post. It’s certainly not for a lack of something to write about. Things are just kinda crazy around here right now and I just haven’t had the time. A pitiful excuse, but one I choose to embrace. I do have a post that I wrote sitting in the Las Vegas airport last Saturday. It’s on my laptop at home. I swear. I’ll try and get it put up tonight or tomorrow… I went to a screening of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” on Tuesday night. I need to write my review of that as well. (The book is one of my all time favs so the movie could have really sucked, but it didn’t. I liked it. A lot. A more detailed review will come later. I promise.) What I want to talk about today is my new pony. It’s shiny and blue. Did I mention that’s it’s not a real pony? It’s a mechanical one. A Ford one. A Mustang. It’s so pretty. I had a ’65 Mustang convertible that I adored and drove all through high school (and never should have sold), but I’ve always wanted a ’68 Mustang fastback. Well, this is as close as I’m going to get to one of those for a very long while and I have to say I couldn’t be happier. It is sooooo much fun to drive. I’ve wanted one of these Ponies since they came out last fall and just wasn’t able to justify it. Well, some serious cards fell into place in the last couple of days and yesterday I walked onto the lot and bought one. The salesman came up and asked if he could help me and I said, “Yeah. I’d like to take my new Mustang for a spin.” He was like, “Your Mustang?” I just smiled and said, “Yeah. My Mustang. That blue one over there.” So we drove around the block. They appraised my truck. All the numbers worked to my liking and presto-chango I have a new car. It took just over an hour. The salesman’s eyes got really big when I told him I didn’t want to finance the car. I wanted to trade in my truck and pay for the rest. I must say that I recommend just paying for a car outright if you ever get a chance. No credit checks. No hassling. Just the writing of a check. Simple… and kinda fun. A friend told me that I’m a car dealer’s wet dream. A woman who knows what she wants and wants to pay cash for it. Hehe. And no fucking car payments. Woo and Hoo! I admit that I’m leading a charmed life right now. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it will. It’s unavoidable. Karma is a bitch and life tends to be a zero sum game. Nobody wins unless somebody loses. Let’s just hope I keep this winning streak up for a little while longer. I’ve got a potentially HUGE interview next week. I want this job so bad I can taste it. So everybody cross your fingers and toes that my luck holds out just a little bit longer. Happy Friday all!

"A horse is the projection of peoples' dreams about themselves - strong, powerful, beautiful - and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence." -- Pam Brown

Chasing Kevin Spacey

So I'm in Vegas, baby! I'm down $120, but that's what I get for starting at the $10 blackjack tables. Tomorrow I'll play the $5 tables and at least that should keep me playing a bit longer. It didn't help that we had a really great dealer named Howdy to start but when he went on his break, we ended up with this bitch with bad karma that killed the small winning streak I had going. Oh well, better luck tomorrow... The trip from LA was fun. The weather was great and I rode with the top down the whole way. Somewhere just outside of Barstow, this shiny blue Porsche went screaming past me and when I looked at the driver, I was like, "Dude, that looked like Kevin Spacey!" The Porsche pulled over in front of me and the license plate read "SpacBoy." I had a helluv a time keeping up with him, but did a fair enough job. We barreled through the desert at about 90 mph and played car tag for an hour or so. At one point we got stuck in a constuction jam and he was trapped behind me. It was totally Kevin. So at least I had some amusement on the trip. He lost me eventually, but we picked each other back up just outside of Vegas. He got off to go to the Mandalay Bay and I headed over to the MGM. There's some stuff going on over at Mandalay that I want to check out so that's on the agenda for tomorrow. I think I'll stalk Kevin while I'm there ;)

"Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker." -- Matt Damon - "Rounders"

Distorted Reality

LA is a weird fucking place. Nothing is ever what it seems. I can’t decide if my trip out here has been a good thing or a bad thing. At the very least, I don’t know that it has really given me the perspective I was looking for. Since I got here on Saturday, I’ve spent a large portion of my time hanging out with a friend of mine who lives out here. I’ve gotten to see LA as he sees it; as he can afford to see it. It’s warping my perceptions a bit. He and I live in very different worlds. I’m debating whether or not I can afford a $500 a month studio apartment and he’s looking at multi-million dollar beach houses. This is not a judgment. It’s just a statement of fact. He is far and away one of the nicest, most grounded, down-to-earth guys I have ever met. If you didn’t know he had money, you would never know he had money. It’s just weird for me. I’m trying to determine if I can realistically afford to come back here, and hanging out with him has made that decision harder to make. I know my life won’t be like this once I move. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I will have to get a job. I will have to live on a budget. I won’t be hobnobbing with the Hollywood “In” crowd every night... I have some seriously important decisions to make in the next few weeks. In the short term, Option #1 would be the easiest and that would be to just do nothing; stay where I am now and accept my fate as a corporate slave. That’s really not a good option though, unless you all want to watch me slowly lose my mind. That might be fun for the rest of you, but it’s not something I particularly want to do. Option #2 is to quit my job and find something else to do in Atlanta. That would save me the stress (and expense) of packing up my horse and all my stuff and moving across the country to somewhere that I have no job and know virtually no one. It still leaves me unemployed and in Atlanta, so I’m thinking Option #2 is out. If I’m going to stay in the ATL I might as well be employed and unhappy rather than jobless and unhappy. This brings us to Option #3. The one where I say “Fuck it!” and throw caution to the wind and just do this. Option #3 scares the shit out of me. The thought of just letting go of everything that has become so familiar to me and exchanging it for some dimly envisioned dream of a life out here on the coast turns me to ice. I spent a couple of hours out on the Huntington Beach pier yesterday afternoon watching the surfers. While I did that, the ice melted. My brain stopped the centrifugal spinning it has been doing for weeks now. My soul just breathed in the sea and the sand and halted its meteoric plunge into the abyss that it has been on. I’m happy here. I like me here. I need to just get past these fears, no matter how legitimate they may be, and find my way back here. I know it will be hard. Everything will not be sunshine and puppies and red Mustang convertibles. Still, I think it’s the right thing for me to do. At this point, I need to worry about feeding my soul rather than padding my bank account. I would rather be happy than rich, which is good, because at this rate, I don’t think that is something I’m ever going to be ;)

“I don’t want to earn my living; I want to live.” – Oscar Wilde

That Shade of Blue

I wrote the first 10 or so lines of this poem forever ago and then stopped. I knew it had somewhere it wanted to go, but its path was unclear at the time. It finished itself the other night while I could not sleep. I jotted it down on Post-It notes while sitting on the deck at a friend’s house watching the angry waves of the Pacific crash against the shore and he slept peacefully in the other room…

Law-Abiding Ice Cream Men

The sky was my favorite color last night.
That shade of blue you just can’t quite describe.
On days like this, I could live here forever.
I know I mostly drive the wrong way
down the one way streets.
I scare the law-abiding ice cream men
who don’t believe in happy accidents or
the coincidence of memory -
and who seem to be perpetually
one block away.
I’m craving salt today, but
that doesn’t stop me from chasing the ice cream truck
down the street -
in the vain hope that
this time I’ll catch up.
Looking back over the distance I ran,
I can’t believe I got this far without passing out.
The ice cream in the cone
is soft,
and creamy,
and phallic.
It satisfies my licking fetish,
but does not fix
my salt problem.
How did I come to find myself alone
in a desert with no oasis
with ice cream running over my fingers
and melting
into my eyes?
It’s dark now.
When did night fall?
I think I may be blind.
This doesn’t feel
- or taste -
like ice cream anymore.
It’s coppery and thick.
Blood on the moon.
Blood in my eyes.
I somehow don’t think the ice cream man can save me now -
even if he does miss me
and realizes that
he left me here
all alone
and comes back
to help the bloodhounds search for my body.
It will be way past too late by then.
Do you think the sky will be that shade of blue
again tonight?
I feel the sun begin
to scorch
and bleach
my bones and
I’m not craving salt anymore.

The World According to Me

Another Saturday. Another flight west. I think we’re somewhere over New Mexico right now. It’s somewhere very deserty-looking from 32K feet up anyway… I’ve turned into a real jetsetter in the past couple of months, haven’t I? Not that I’m complaining. I love to travel and wish I had the resources to do it more often. Especially Europe. I would like to spend some time in London… and Amsterdam… and Prague. It doesn’t help that Delta’s in-flight magazine has a whole article on Amsterdam this month. Now that I am (hopefully) moving back to the Earthquake State, Europe is going to have to wait. If I travel anywhere it will be to come home to see Lindy and the family or to go visit a friend of mine who is moving to NYC. It’s going to be hard having him all the way out in NY when I’m in LA. He’s become a very dear friend and I like having him around to talk to. Hopefully his career will bring him out west from time to time at least… Of course, the next few days will be pivotal. I need to nail down this apartment thing. I need to try and secure at least some form of employment. The thought of moving without a job lined up in advance scares the fuck out of me. Doesn’t mean it will stop me from doing it. At this point, I’m not sure what would stop me. I am in a total California mindset now. I want to be back out in LA. It’s become an almost drug-like craving. I need for the puzzle pieces to fit into place. For all this to fall through now would be bad. Really bad. I have too much of my soul invested in this endeavor now. It’s kind of like when I really fall for a guy. I fall hard. I rush in with both guns blazing. There is heat. There is passion. And it’s great. Until things go badly. I get my hopes up and am left crying on the bathroom floor when it doesn’t work out. I’ve stopped doing that when it comes to men. I’ve become much more cautious. But this whole California thing feels like that. It all happened so fast. I’m just waiting for things to start to fall apart too quickly for me to be able to pull them back together. It’s like riding a Tilt-a-Whirl. The adrenalin gets going and is coursing through you so hard it’s making you sick, but man, what a fucking ride. Well, when the ride stops this time, all I can do is pray that I’ll still be able to walk… Let me clear something else up. I am NOT doing this for a guy. Yes, I have a friend out there that happens to be male and I like him a lot and we’ve become very close over the last few weeks, but contrary to popular belief, he did not prompt this sudden plan to move. I have been talking about going to LA for months (actually years) now. I found a great deal on an apartment and a place to keep my horse a few weeks back and that was my motivation to try and pull this together now. I’m not going to lie and say that his being out there is not a definite added bonus. Ultimately do I see our relationship going anywhere? No. It won’t happen. We will be great friends. We have too much in common not to be, but it won’t be anything else. Not only is he out of my league, but I don’t think we are even playing the same sport. We may have a lot in common, but we live worlds apart. I understand that. He recently got out of a long and sorta fucked up relationship. I am an amusing diversion for him right now; a shiny new toy for him to play with. As long as we salvage a friendship out of this, I’m ok with that. It’s been nice just having his attention for a little while… This has been a borderline schizophrenic post hasn’t it? Not sure why traveling always makes me muse on my life like this. Something about the journey of mind and body maybe? To quote Indiana Jones, “I don’t know. I’m making this up as I go.” That’s what my life feels like right now. I have a script. I know what my lines are supposed to be. But in the end there’s always some improvising involved and ultimately it’s all about leaving things up to the vision of the director and just going along for the ride. Here’s hoping that this little movie at least has a happy ending… And what the fuck is with all the analogies today? It’s not often that someone compares their life to a movie, an amusement park ride, and a bad relationship all at the same time. Welcome to the world in my head. It’s a nice place to visit, but I don’t think most people would like living here…

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” – George Sheehan

Lex-cellent

I really should be posting my review for “The Amityville Horror,” but I’m just not in the mood to write a long review of it. So here’s a brief one. It was pretty good. Ryan Reynolds rocked and is really fucking hot. The movie is worth seeing just to watch him do the whole Jack Nicholson, descent-into-madness thing… I’d much rather talk about last night’s episode of “Smallville.” I’m the first to admit that this season has been really weak. There have been 4 or 5 good episodes and all the rest have been forgettable at best. Last night was one of the good ones. Michael was in practically every scene. It was all Lex, all the time, and that’s never a bad thing. It’s all anybody has talked to me about this morning. They all want to discuss how fucking awesome Michael was. The script was not particularly well written, but he took what he got and ran with it. Here’s what Michael himself had to say about the episode:

"I'll be honest, I freaked out when I first saw this script. The first thing I do when I get a script, I don't read it, I go through and see how much I'm in it, like every other actor. ‘My line, my line, bullshit, my line.' I started looking at it and realized, 'There are 50 pages in this fucking script, and I'm in 47 of them.' I freaked out and took a Xanax."

What can I say? He’s a funny guy. If any of you missed this ep, it’s worth catching on a re-run this summer. It was called “Onyx” and it reminded me why I watch this show. Next week’s ep does not look promising. Lois is back. Ick. Michael will barely be in it. Double ick. The week after that may be ok. Lex gets to betray Clark as his ultimate descent into darkness really begins. Here’s hoping we get to see much more of Lex’s dark side next season. It makes things soooo much more interesting…

“You were right about me all along, Mr. Kent. I am the villain of the story.” – Michael Rosenbaum – “Smallville”

A Masters Serenade

So at exactly midnight my cell phone rang. It was a friend of mine out on the left coast calling to wish me a happy birthday. He had me on speaker phone, had his guitar, and sang to me. He belted out a pretty fabulous rendition of the Beatles song, "Birthday." (You know the one. "You say it's your birthday [inset guitar lick] It's my birthday too...") I don't recall telling him when my birthday was, and I don't like people making a big deal out of my birthday, but he gets total brownie points for the effort. I've got to admit, I sort of dig having a guy sing to me. It was a very "Say Anything..." kind of moment :) The midnight serenade was great and appreciated, but let's just gloss over the fact that it's my birthday and go on about our week as usual... Nothing to see here folks. Move along. Move along... Sorry I have not posted much in the past week. I just have not really had much to say. I've got a lot going on in my life right now, but I'll try to be better about posting. Right now I'm just trying to keep from pulling my hair out over a variety of things... I can't wait to get out of town next weekend. I'm going to LA for 4 days and then LV for 4 days. It should be a hell of a trip and I soooo need the time away from work... So what else to report? Some friends and I went to The Masters. We spent all day Saturday at Augusta National wading through the mud. I said we need to have t-shirts printed up that say, "I slogged through the back 9 at Augusta - April 2005" and then wear them next year when we go. Still, a good time was had by all and we saw some great golf. I'm not usually a big golf fan, but Augusta National is a great place to just walk around. It's a beautiful course. It's also fun to taunt my friends/family who are HUGE golf fans and have never been able to get tickets to go. I'm evil that way ;) My cousin is a hell of a good golfer and has a real shot at being the amatuer champion sometime in the next couple of years. How fucking cool would that be? I would love to be able to go to The Masters and actually be related to someone playing. Maybe he could even set me up with a press pass so I could take some pictures... Ok, so that's it for now. I need to get to bed seeing as how I have to work in the morning. Ick. It should be agaisnt the law to work on your birthday... even if you don't want to make a big deal out of it. But then again, I'm always looking for an excuse to get out of work. Arbor Day. Flag Day. Bastille Day. Fuck it. We should have them all off...

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." -- Robert Frost

Spiritus Mundi

I'm just so fucking tired again today. Yesterday kinda sucked. I feel like I spent the whole day running in circles and that no matter what I did I just couldn't make anyone happy. Fuck 'em. Today will be better. I will it to be so... So for today you get more poetry. This one is not mine. It's W.B. Yeats. It's one of my favs... I swear I will try to come up with something interesting to post tomorrow...

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert.

A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Demon Rabbits From Hell

Not feeling very creative today so here's a poem I pulled out of the vault in my head since I can't think of anything else exciting to post... Besides, I figure what the fuck? I haven't shared any poetry in awhile :)

I dreamt about the rabbits again.
I hold Joss responsible…
(Although, come to think of it,
Hazel & Fiver & Blackberry
probably had something to do with it as well.)
I don’t know why I dreamed them.
I don’t particularly like rabbits…
(nor dislike them for that matter), but
sometimes they seem to get inside my head
(like that damn “Fraggle Rock” song), and
they won’t go away.
It’s way past Easter and these bunnies
should be gone.
Back to Watership Down, or Hell, or wherever
it is they came from.
So, go away rabbits.
(To a Galaxy far, far, away preferably)
I don’t want to get a cat.
I just want to sleep…
(To sleep and not to dream)

Good and Gruesome

As all of you already know, I’m a huge comic book fan. I have been since I was a little kid. While most other girls were playing with Barbie dolls, I was buying comic books. I read a little of everything (Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, the tiny little independent labels, etc). That being said, I never really got into Frank Miller’s noir graphic novels, “Sin City” until recently. I picked up one book a few years back but it was in the middle of the series somewhere and although I liked it (you can never go wrong with Frank Miller), it just didn’t excite me enough to really get into the series. When I heard that Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller were going to do an adaptation of these books, I got more interested. So I went back to the beginning of the series and started reading the books. I was hooked. They are dark and violent and gritty. Pulp fiction. Film noir. Really fucking great works. Rodriguez was the perfect choice to direct this. I like his work a lot. He’s a great filmmaker who plays by his own rules and doesn’t let the big studios tell him what to do. He’s a visionary. A revolutionary... So the film opened this weekend. I of course went and saw it. Twice. I loved it. You could tell from the trailers that visually the film was going to be stunning and it was. It is a live action comic book. The Marv story in particular was frame for frame out of Book 1. The casting was great. I approved of every choice that was made - except maybe for Britney Murphy. She was particularly annoying to me for some reason – Mickey Rourke was the definite standout though. He was Marv... Clive Owen demonstrated that he really can act when given the correct material... Benicio Del Toro was brilliant as usual and managed to pull off creepy and funny at the same time... Hartigan is the type of role that Bruce Willis was born to play. He's got that tortured cop thing down pretty good now... It was a little disturbing to see Alexis Bledel go from playing sweet, little Rory Gilmore to playing an Old Town prostitute, but she was really good... Then there was Elijah Wood. I adore Elijah and I loved his character, Kevin. He was one of my favorite characters in the books and Elijah was the perfect choice to play him. Good career move. He went from playing a Hobbit who saved Middle Earth to a serial killer who eats prostitutes. I don’t think type-casting is anything he’s going to have to worry about :) Is it wrong for me to say that I thought he was really hot in this movie? Probably. So I won’t. Just pretend I didn’t say anything… This is not a movie for everyone. It’s black and white (mostly). It’s bloody. It’s gruesome. It’s film noir on a bad mescaline trip. It is not for the squeamish or the faint of heart and I loved every fucking frame of it.

“It's time to prove to your friends that you're worth a damn. Sometimes that means dying, sometimes it means killing a whole lot of people.” -- Clive Owen - "Sin City"

In A Quandry

Can someone please explain men to me? Right now I have 2 guys in my life (family excluded) who I absolutely adore. The rest of the male species can go fuck themselves. I’m not going to go into an elaborate explanation of what prompted this little epiphany. Suffice it to stay that men are stupid. They are reactionary. They can escalate a heated discussion into something even uglier. I’m not saying women are much better. We are the fuel that feeds these rages. I know that. I’m not stupid and I’m certainly not innocent or blameless. Mainly I’m just disappointed. I often try to convince myself that we live in a civilized society and on the surface maybe we do. But we don’t. Not really. Underneath it all, those dark, primal urges lie in wait and eventually they always rear their ugly heads. It’s unavoidable. Confrontation is in our nature. We strike out in anger and the people that always get hurt are the ones closest to us; the ones in our direct line of fire. It’s not fair. It’s not right. But I don’t think it’s going to change… Sorry, just needed to do some vague ranting today. Let some demons out. Go see “Sin City” this weekend. It’s all about violence and primal urges. It should be a hell of a ride... If you want to read something funny, go check out Google's April Fools Day joke.

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side." -- Yoda